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PHONE TAG
Let me rant for a moment about people I don’t want to talk on the phone with: (gotta love caller I.D. and voice mail)
Actually there are a lot of people I don’t want to talk on the phone with, however there are that top 10% of callers that really make my blood pressure boil. If I had to categorize them in no particular order I would have to list: Stock brokers, fund raisers, bill collectors, charity organizations, appointment reminders from my dentist, people trying to sell me something at dinner time…followed by recorded sales pitches, serial wrong number freaks, managers who have their secretary get me on the line so I can wait for them to pick up, my 3 ex wives, and other people that won’t take no for an answer or who only want 10 minutes of my time to take some kind of poll.
A lot of these people are just naturally aggravating; however some go to great lengths and even significant training to be annoying. As a business owner I get deluged with junk calls all day long, despite the fact that I have trained my staff to carefully screen all of my calls.
My people will routinely ask for a name, company, purpose of the call, 3 forms of I.D., a blood and urine sample, and a DNA test. Yet, even with these precautions in place, I still find myself playing verbal ping pong with a few dozen phone whores a day.
Probably the best of these varmints is the stock broker. They have made a science out of phone harassment. These crafty pros will outwit and intimidate your call screeners by pretending that they are an old friend, lawyer, important customer, relative, doctor with important news, etc… “tell the big guy its Joe..and I’m about to get on a plane for Florida”. These guys are tough as nails, calling from their boiler rooms in New York. They are required to make hundreds of calls today and operate on the “talk until you get hung up on principle”. These “masters of rejection” will wade thru dozens of no’s in the hope of getting to one “yes” (kind’a reminds me of myself the month before Prom night) There is simply no polite way to decline their sales pitch.
There are however, a few opening sentences that will elicit an immediate hang up from me…if they start with:
“I’m not trying to sell you anything today”…..click/dial tone
“If what I’m saying doesn’t make sense you can hang up on me after one minute…” slam/dial tone
“This could be the most important phone call in your life”…click
For the most part I simply hang up after the first sentence or two, but in a strange kind of way, you almost have to admire some of the creative ways these phone freaks use to get your attention. If I’m in a playful mood, I will sometimes go along with them for a few minutes, and try to “one up them”.
“ P.I.B…how’s it going.., Joe Shmoe here from “Dewy, Cheat’em and Howe” in New York…how are you doing. Hey, remember we spoke a few months ago and you told me to get back to you, if a great deal came across my desk. Well, I got an inside tip that…..
My turn….. “Joe, baby, why didn’t you just tell my call screener it was you
They would have put the call right thru. As a matter of fact I’m checking my calendar right now, and I made a note that we talked..let me just click on this to refresh my memory…Oh yes, here it is…J/S called January 15th….told him to put me on his do not call list and shove his stock tips up his…..Hello…hello…
I think this whole phone solicitation thing is getting out of hand, especially now that many of the phone solicitors have farmed out there call centers to other countries, like Pakistan to save money. (hey Dell does it)..
“AY yes, many thanks…hello, tell P.I.B, this is his uncle Raji from Jersey…I’m about to get on a plane for Islamabad. I mean Boston…I have a hot tip for a curry stock that is about to go global… click….
Anyway, I guess the whole junk phone call, spam e-mail thing is just part of life in the good old U.S.A. Hey..every body’s got to make a living..right ?
By the way, if you disagree or have a comment give me a call…on second thought ..don’t….My call screener will not let you thru.
Let me rant for a moment about people I don’t want to talk on the phone with: (gotta love caller I.D. and voice mail)
Actually there are a lot of people I don’t want to talk on the phone with, however there are that top 10% of callers that really make my blood pressure boil. If I had to categorize them in no particular order I would have to list: Stock brokers, fund raisers, bill collectors, charity organizations, appointment reminders from my dentist, people trying to sell me something at dinner time…followed by recorded sales pitches, serial wrong number freaks, managers who have their secretary get me on the line so I can wait for them to pick up, my 3 ex wives, and other people that won’t take no for an answer or who only want 10 minutes of my time to take some kind of poll.
A lot of these people are just naturally aggravating; however some go to great lengths and even significant training to be annoying. As a business owner I get deluged with junk calls all day long, despite the fact that I have trained my staff to carefully screen all of my calls.
My people will routinely ask for a name, company, purpose of the call, 3 forms of I.D., a blood and urine sample, and a DNA test. Yet, even with these precautions in place, I still find myself playing verbal ping pong with a few dozen phone whores a day.
Probably the best of these varmints is the stock broker. They have made a science out of phone harassment. These crafty pros will outwit and intimidate your call screeners by pretending that they are an old friend, lawyer, important customer, relative, doctor with important news, etc… “tell the big guy its Joe..and I’m about to get on a plane for Florida”. These guys are tough as nails, calling from their boiler rooms in New York. They are required to make hundreds of calls today and operate on the “talk until you get hung up on principle”. These “masters of rejection” will wade thru dozens of no’s in the hope of getting to one “yes” (kind’a reminds me of myself the month before Prom night) There is simply no polite way to decline their sales pitch.
There are however, a few opening sentences that will elicit an immediate hang up from me…if they start with:
“I’m not trying to sell you anything today”…..click/dial tone
“If what I’m saying doesn’t make sense you can hang up on me after one minute…” slam/dial tone
“This could be the most important phone call in your life”…click
For the most part I simply hang up after the first sentence or two, but in a strange kind of way, you almost have to admire some of the creative ways these phone freaks use to get your attention. If I’m in a playful mood, I will sometimes go along with them for a few minutes, and try to “one up them”.
“ P.I.B…how’s it going.., Joe Shmoe here from “Dewy, Cheat’em and Howe” in New York…how are you doing. Hey, remember we spoke a few months ago and you told me to get back to you, if a great deal came across my desk. Well, I got an inside tip that…..
My turn….. “Joe, baby, why didn’t you just tell my call screener it was you
They would have put the call right thru. As a matter of fact I’m checking my calendar right now, and I made a note that we talked..let me just click on this to refresh my memory…Oh yes, here it is…J/S called January 15th….told him to put me on his do not call list and shove his stock tips up his…..Hello…hello…
I think this whole phone solicitation thing is getting out of hand, especially now that many of the phone solicitors have farmed out there call centers to other countries, like Pakistan to save money. (hey Dell does it)..
“AY yes, many thanks…hello, tell P.I.B, this is his uncle Raji from Jersey…I’m about to get on a plane for Islamabad. I mean Boston…I have a hot tip for a curry stock that is about to go global… click….
Anyway, I guess the whole junk phone call, spam e-mail thing is just part of life in the good old U.S.A. Hey..every body’s got to make a living..right ?
By the way, if you disagree or have a comment give me a call…on second thought ..don’t….My call screener will not let you thru.
P.I.B
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