HURRICANES

HURRICANES

I’ve lived in Florida for most of my life and fro the most part, I love it here. What’s not to like: Great weather, sandy beaches, plenty of sun shine and…oh…did I mention the Hurricanes ? Well, when you stop to think about it, no place is perfect. California has got mud slides, Hawaii has lava flows, Iowa has tornados, Oklahoma has floods, and not to pick on California, but they have earth quakes, forest fires, and lots of bad actors.

To be honest we only have 2 seasons in Florida…Hot and Hurricane. Every year between August and October, Floridians hunker down for what we affectionately refer to as “ Hurricane Season”. The forecasters generally tell us if they think we are in for an “active” season or not. Of course they are never right.

Most of the hurricanes start off as tiny areas of weather off the coast of Africa. That is kind of the breeding ground for most of our hurricanes. We usually don’t start tracking them until they get about half way across the Atlantic. I guess hurricanes are like babies. They start off innocently enough as a tropical wave, then progress to a depression, then grow into a tropical storm, and work their way up to Hurricane-dom (is that a word, and why don’t they call them Him-a-canes ?).

Anyway, when they get about half way across the ocean, the weather dudes start tracking them, and giving them a name. They may start off as tropical depression 122, but soon have there own name based on a pre-designed naming schedule…In the last few years we’ve had Ivan, Katrina, Rita, Wilma, and Hillary (ok..just kidding)

Once the storm gathers strength and gets just east of Puerto Rico, the weather guru’s start feeding all the information into a computer and come out with several tracking models. First they get a crew to fly a Hurricane hunter plane thru the storm to get the data. Wow, these must be some brave S.O.B.”s because I don’t know about you, but I get worried when the pilot on a commercial flight turns on the seat belt light, never mind knowingly driving a plane right into a hurricane.

Once the computer models come back the guys at the national hurricane center in Miami get the predicted path of the storm up on their web site ( www.nhc.noaa.gov). It’s about that time that everyone in Florida starts to pay real close attention. The first thing we do is to look at where the weather wienies think the storm will make landfall (of course they change their prediction every 4 hours until it actually happens). Every one in the state usually hits the refresh button on their computer at the same time and we have a power outage. Also, no of us will ever admit it but we are all wishing for the landfall to happen in some other guys county. I’ve found myself saying…come-ooon Mexico.

Anyway, we follow what the trackers call “the cone of uncertainty” which means don’t hold us to it. In any case if we are anywhere within the cone of uncertainty everyone leaves their weather channel on and makes a mad dash down to the gas station to fill up their tanks. For there, everyone heads down to the local grocery store to grab every bottle of water, jar of peanut butter, candle, and battery in the place.

About this time, that old Hurricane is gaining strength and speed, and we are seeing pictures on CNN of huge waves and flooded streets in Hati. Back in the states the local authorities are urging the population of Key West to evacuate, the tourists are heading out in droves, but the residents are just getting the hurricane parties into full swing. News flash…News Flash…you are on a small island that is about 6 inches above sea level, with only one bridge heading north…(but there’s Booze in the blender)

Well the hurricane then usually goes over or around Cuba and slows down a little bit, but then hits the ultra warm water in the Gulf of Mexico and becomes a twister on steroids. Now once that sucker is in the gulf, it becomes a roll of the dice as to who is going to be the host, for the coming on shore party. Southwest Florida, New Orleans, and Texas are almost always in the welcome home, reception line, and then it’s a wait and see game.

In the mean time, we all run around, hyper ventilating and watching the governor on T.V. declaring a state of emergency, because he can’t afford to have looked un-prepared if the thing actually hits in his jurisdiction. The president usually gets on T.V. and declares the region, a natural disaster area, because he doesn’t want to look un-prepared either. And what about those big name T.V. reporters that feel it is good for their career to stand out in the middle of hurricane force winds with no more protection than a yellow rain jacket and a microphone…while palm trees and large mobile homes go sailing by…CRAZY..

Every one is scurrying around buying generators, calling their insurance companies, putting up storm shutters, filling bath tubes with water, making sandbags, and stock piling ice cubes. All the while we are still secretly praying for it to hit somewhere else. The darn things are so big we start feeling the wind and rain from the feeder bands, no matter where it is actually heading.

To tell you the truth, a lot of Floridians have become jaded, and just take the “it will blow over attitude”, not me. I don’t like high water, especially when its in my house. Its no time for me to play hero when mother nature is all pissed off. I hear some of the rednecks down here say : I will only worry if it’s a category 5 Hurricane, my windows are designed to stand up to 149 mile an hour wind….(Yeah..Not if a dump truck is flying thru them.)

For my part, If I think that freak of nature is coming anywhere near where I live, I’m on the first plane out of there. This ain’t Kansas Dorthy..Sorry, but its Vegas baby for me. In fact, some times I’ll even jump on the plane for Sin City if the sky even looks a little cloudy. Call me when its clear skies..
Ok, so maybe dealing with a few Hurricanes is a small price to pay for living in Florida, but if it’s all the same with you….when the wind starts blow’in…I’ll be go’in.. Anybody got a extra guest room ?

P.I.B.