GOVERNMENT CHEESE

GOVERNMENT CHEESE
What If…………

What a great day. Today I have been granted an opportunity to submit my automotive ownership application. I have managed to save enough money for the application fee and have submitted all my paperwork in triplicate (as required by law). I think I did a good job laying out the evidence as to why I need a car. Don’t get me wrong, I’m feeling a little bit guilty. I totally agree with the concept of public transportation for all, its much better for the environment. But, as a member of the ruling party, I have earned some preferential treatment.

Now, it is just a matter of waiting the required time for the application to be reviewed. In just six or eight weeks I should receive my letter from the Division of Motor vehicles. If they accept my application I will be entered into the state lottery and have a chance at being able to purchase my first car. In fact, if I place high enough in the lottery, I could have a car shipped before the end of the year. Now that all of our cars come from China I’ll have to wait a little extra for the container to come in. Of course, car buying certificates are awarded to party members and according to need first.

My timing couldn’t be better because I read online that for the first time since the government took over the production of automobiles after the depression; the new model cars would be available in one extra color in addition to the standard issue black or white.

Now that I’ve been admitted into the state funded college program, I can use the car to get back and forth. I really don’t like the idea of going to college, but now that’s its mandatory and free, I might as well milk it for everything its worth. Under the government’s new “No Adult Left Behind program”, I get a 100% free ride for the next 4 years. The taxpayers pick up the tab for my college education, housing, and expenses.(and partying) I’d be a fool not to take that free ride. Hey..it sure beats having to work for a living like my old man had to do all his life.

My dad lost his job during the recession. He worked for one of the large banks that went under because of a bad real estate portfolio. Well, after the government nationalized the banking system they offered him some bail out money and of course he bailed out. Now the old man just waits by the mail box around the first of every month and he gets his government stimulus check. I’m not really sure what they are stimulating, but heck, its free money.

My dad used to make a lot of money with the bank, but we have learned to live on a lot less. It initially took my parents some time to fully understand and appreciate the new system. They weren’t used to having their efforts and wealth “re-distributed”, but I think this Socialism stuff really makes sense. This way everyone has access to the same education, health care, and social services. It does away with the upper class and the lower class and everyone joins the middle class.

It’s really not that hard once you understand all the government programs that are offered. We applied to the fair housing administration and now have our mortgage paid in full each month. Also, as a non working family of 4 we are entitled to food stamps to make sure we get proper nutrition. Ever since the president signed a bill that allowed congress to regulate and oversee all banking transactions, they are in a position to better determine the needs of their citizens. Let’s say a doctor refuses to treat his pre-determined share of non-paying patients, well then the government can simply put a freeze on his bank account until he “sees the light”. I mean, how else could we provide free universal health care? So what if we have to wait months or years for a much needed procedure or surgery. Did I mention its free? Everyone has to make some sacrifices you know,

It’s hard not to be excited, especially since the government recently issued my family a passport to be able to move from Michigan to Florida. I’m very grateful to live in such a great country. With the proper paperwork in place I can travel freely between states, as long as I check in with the state border patrol and the local authorities, so that they will know my whereabouts. (I’d tell them were I was anyway because how else would they know where to send my welfare check every month)

I read in the paper today that authorities expect the crime rate to go down in a few more years, since we banned the private ownership of firearms. The crime rate has actually gone up quite a bit in my state but that’s only because the criminal elements just won’t obey the new firearms laws. I’m sure now that the new national police force that now reports directly to the president is in place, law and order will soon prevail.

I think our country is really evolving into a much better place, especially since the government silenced all those outspoken and discontent members of the opposite party and all those conservative radio talk show hosts. There really is no reason for me to be an informed citizen any longer, with one political party, no one really needs to vote any more. I’ve always been too busy to get involved with politics anyway. So for me, I’m going to just keep eating that government cheese. After all…they really do know what’s best for us.

Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.