VIRUS

VIRUS

Wow…When I was a kid getting a flu or a virus meant a few days off of schools, some chicken soup, and some quality daytime television watching. What a difference a few years makes (ok,,I’m being generous here). Anyway in today’s jargon, if you catch a flu or Virus it’s usually something a lot more substantial like Bird Flu, Swine Flu, Hong Kong Flu, or even the dreaded computer virus.

I really not sure how the whole computer virus thing works but I’ve heard from the experts that when you hook up a brand new computer to the internet you can “catch” a virus within the first few minutes. So, just to put this whole thing into prospective, if you simply click on that old internet icon on your computer and access the world wide web, your computer will be infected with malicious software. (I wonder if Al Gore ever thought this would happen to his internet) Surprisingly these intrusions into your computers files, memory, and hard drives are not a new occurrence. It seems that there has been malicious software out there since the first IBM computers linked together into networks, or accessed the internet.

Just like that, out of millions of possible users that are on the internet at that very moment, the minute I jump into the pool, even in the shallow end, I get attacked. Where the hell do these things come from ? Who would stand to gain by screwing with my new Dell laptop ? Must be a group of sick individuals for sure. I mean what does a hacker benefit from writing all that useless code just to crash the computer of a person he doesn’t even know. What’s the gratification? There are your garden variety viruses and other intrusions along with, Trojan horses, spyware, bots, phishing, spam, Malware, and Worms (along with hundreds of other insects and creations of the binary underworld)

Well, if that’s the case, and the digital black plague is just waiting for another unsuspecting new user to stick his proverbial xxx into the internet waters, how in the world do we protect ourselves? My last computer was totally ruined by this stuff. (ok, perhaps I inadvertently visited a few questionable sites) So, I go out and buy a brand new laptop with all the latest bells and whistles. I even bought the special heavy duty antivirus software and firewall that the guy at the computer place recommended.

So anyway, I get home and I’m excited about using my new computer. I can’t wait to get the latest updates on American Idol and the new radar pictures from the weather channel. This time I have taken every precaution to avoid catching a virus, I’ve created a sterile environment. So there I sit, new computer fired up, firewall installed and working, hands washed, condom on, Lysol ready, Nyquil on standby, and wearing a 2 micron surgical mask. Nothing can stop me now, I’m on my way to a perfect internet experience.

Three, two , one.. Hello world wide web, meet your newest visitor. So, I’m greeted by my Google search page and quickly type in “ Michelle Obama .. latest outfit”. Well, wouldn’t you know it my browser was diverted to some other web site selling florescent light bulbs. From there, my computer automatically brings up another random web site and then another. My hard drive begins a steady humming noise that quickly accelerates to warp speed and has my whole desk shaking from the vibrations. In a desperate attempt to regain control of my computer I try hitting the Escape key, followed by the old standby “Alt/Control/Delete combo without results. I also try clicking with my mouse to no avail, Not sure what to do and in a final act of disgust I press the power off button on my CPU. The hard drive only spins faster, almost in defiance of my command to shut off, I find myself wondering if this thing is possessed. ( I’d like to think I’m the king in my own house and I hate when one of my household appliances acts defiant with me. My vacuum and T.V. never give me problems like this) I finally yank the power cord out of the wall in a desperate attempt to turn the darn thing off. At this point, I’m not sure if I should call Dell support or an exorcist.

Of course you can down load or purchase any number of Anti-Virus software, and then pay on- going fees to make sure you always have the most up to date definitions. (makes me wonder if half the company is developing these poisonous viruses and the other half selling the rest of us the antidote. A quick look in the History and Quarantine section of your anti-virus software will reveal that they are worth the money. It’s not unusual to see the software block several improper entries in a short time span. It doesn’t even matter if you are using your computer or not, as long as you have cable internet service that stays on all the time.

There are also some free or shareware versions available for down load, but be careful. From time you time you will see a “Pop-Up ad” appear on your screen offering to speed up your computer and inoculate you from incoming viruses. The problem is that when you click on some of them, you are actually infecting your computer with a virus. (who hasn’t witness the shoot the moving monkey pop up)

As inconvenient as it may be, it seems like we will have to learn to deal with this newest intrusion into our lives. I guess in the end it’s just like flying by commercial carrier. You can still get to where you want to go, but it’s going to cost more and you’ll have to go thru security.

Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.