TRY IT- DIET

TRY IT- DIET
Maybe it’s just me, feeling a little self conscious lately, but it seems like everyone is talking to me about the best diet to go on. I wonder if that amounts to some type of hint.
Ok, so the poor Italian boy loves his pasta, big deal. Since when is eating well a crime ? I’ll be the first to admit that I weigh a few more pounds then I did in high school, but who doesn’t. Maybe I’m making a statement. Maybe, in my own way, I’m speaking out against bulimics. So what if my six pack has turned into a whole case. I guess that means I’ll never be a Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig poster boy or charter member.
Everyone I talk to is on one type of diet or another. It seems like Americans are obsessed with dieting. There is the “hi-low” club: low carb, high carb, low fat, high fiber, low sodium diets. Not to mention, no sugar, no whites, egg whites, no bread, only citrus fruit, South Beach, Nutra-System, Scarsdale, or Atkins diets. There are also advocates of the “Just” diet…just chicken, just tuna, just salads, just grapefruit juice, just water, and just fish. Not to mention vegetarians, vegans, calorie counters and Jarrod on all the commercials that only eats Subway sandwiches.
It seems like everyone is also focused on how many pounds they have lost, and have an overwhelming desire to tell me about it. Some relate to the number of days: I lost 10 pounds in the first month alone… I lost 23 pounds in 23 days. Some relate to sizes: I lost 3 pants sizes…I lost 2 dress sizes…and finally someone told me they lost 2 pants sizes and 2 dress sizes (obviously a cross dresser)
To make matters worse, some people I know are taking this thing to the extremes. They are not only on a diet but they are taking one type of supplement or another to speed their weight loss. Aside from the lousy food they are taking ginseng, garlic, and a largely unknown extract from some weird Chinese roots to “speed their metabolism”. They look like they are suffering from malnutrition, and they have cabbage soup bad breath, and the shakes all the time but…Hey, they are losing weight
Call me a skeptic but I’m not sure that all the advice that people give out is medically sound. Like: “drink 32 quarts of water a day” …shit, I’d drown or slosh to death, if I drank that much water. Although maybe when you think about it, the “aqua- man” thing just might work. I wouldn’t have time to eat, I’d be so busy piss’in all day long. So, if you don’t mind I will pass on all the fasting, purging, and coffee enemas.
Also, I’m not sure that eating some of the things people are advocating, even have any nutritional value at all, never mind taste. I don’t care how many calories I save, I want my food to be edible and not smell like cow dung. So, for me at least, that leaves out the ingestion of beach sand, peanut shells, and ground up cardboard to save on calories. I don’t care what my good or bad cholesterol reading is. After all what am I..Gandhi ?
I don’t know about dieting in general, it’s just not for me. I’ve never really been very good at the whole abstinence thing…Or maybe I should write my own diet book like Oprah, maybe the “Lasagna diet” . They say you are what you eat…I guess that’s why they call me The Poor Italian Boy
P.I.B.