STUPID HUMAN TRICKS

STUPID HUMAN TRICKS

Most people I know are pretty darn smart. They run businesses, make good money, did well in college and have even made some good investments. So, my question is, If we are all so smart, why do we do stupid things? Who hasn’t walked into a door, locked their car with the engine running, or answered “yes” when their wife or girl friend asked if they looked fat in a dress.

I know what you’re saying to your self, I don’t do stupid things. But the truth is, we all have our moments. Sometimes we even question ourselves before we do stupid things, but eventually give into the overwhelming urge to defy logic. So, I guess what I’m saying is, that all the people are not stupid all of the time, but some of the people are stupid some of the time. Which leads me to ask: Are instances of stupidity random and impulsive acts, or do we all just ride the stupid rollercoaster with its ups and downs.

The dictionary defines STUPID as: “lacking the ordinary quickness and keenness of mind, dull.” As opposed to IGNORANT; “lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact”.

So, that leads to the question, is stupidity learned or hereditary? (it’s kind of the chicken and the egg kind of thing) And, can it manifest itself in any stage of life.

FIRST: No study of the human condition and psyche would be complete without addressing the study and classification of less than intelligent people, who engage in less than bright actions, or speech: hence the science of Stupidology. Because we all posses, to one degree or another, the stupid gene, the host should not necessarily be confused with an idiot, half-wit, imbecile, dunce, or numskull.

I would have to further separate these inane antics into categories. (and my own semi-medical terms for them) The main ones being: Spontaneous stupidity, which comes completely natural and unrehearsed, and Pre-mediated stupidity, which requires planning and advanced knowledge of your display of stupidity (either singly or severally). Then I further identify these various sub-categories:



1> Stupid things we do, that we truly don’t realize are stupid before hand. These might include putting your hand on the stove for the first time. (or up to 3 times)

2> Stupid things we do because we are not smart enough to know better (could be the
classical definition of stupidity): Like ordering the snails off a French menu

3> Stupid things we do, that we know fully up front are stupid, and we ignore the warnings our brain is sending us ( grand mal clueless). Like trying to leap frog over a moving car.

4> Stupid stunts: pre-planned acts of physical idiocy, that any sane thinking person would realize could only result in great pain and physical jeopardy. These type of stunts mark you as a true dim wit or a writer for the T.V. show jackass. A great example of premeditated stupidity.

5> A.I.S: Alcohol induced stupidity: (or other I.N.S. intelligence numbing substances). Probably responsible for more hair brained acts than all the others combined. Also, due to A.I.S., many an American servicemen came home with the name of an ugly foreign hooker tattooed on his arm

6> Brain farts and other momentary lapses of reasoning: A short disconnect or glitch in an other wise logical behavior. We can sometimes recover from these without alerting everyone in our general vicinity.

Then there are the highest categories. These special designations are reserved for the best of the best, the crème of the crop, the pièces de résistance.

Mega-stupid: A very high level absence of thinking. These practitioners of the art, almost appear brilliant or savant like, in the intricate level of nonsensical thinking they can achieve. A person almost has to train themselves to reach this level of brainlessness.

Quantum stupidity: (quantum: a giant leap) Ahhh those lucky few, they can only salt in a mere smattering of logic or clear thinking in a veritable sea of foolishness. This is exemplified by the bank robber who writes his demand for money on the back of an envelope addressed to himself. This behavior is often found in the criminal world.

And last but not least: Terminal Stupidity: a massive and overwhelming lack of thought and reasoning, exhibited by those deeply and irreversibly afflicted with Stupidism. I’m not even sure if a lobotomy could offer any relief.

These are reflections based on people I somehow come into contact with. I think I have covered all the major aliments in the genre, but, who knows, some one could be reaching new and previously thought unattainable levels of stupidity as I write this article.

I guess, at the end of the day, what one man considers stupid may be routine, exciting, or even mundane to another. With just a little thought (and a few keywords typed into u-tube) I would have to place the following activities at the top of my list:

Parachute jumping, stunts that all but assure great bodily harm, drinking games, mountain climbing, bungi cord jumping (especially as part of a wedding ceremony), demolition derbies, car hood surfing, backyard extreme wrestling (believing in real wrestling), crash diets, sink or swim nights at the local bar, and arguing with our wife on those special days.

Remember: “Stupid Is, as Stupid does”

P.I.B.