LETTERS FROM A POOR ITALIAN BOY

LETTERS FROM A POOR ITALIAN BOY

LETTER#1: The Bailout

Dear Mr. President: This week, I watched with great interest and dismay as the congress passed a bailout law for many of the large banks, insurance companies, and financial institutions this week. (along with the tax relief bill for makers of wooden arrows) You have to forgive me, because I’m not as worldly as you and your friends in Washington. (and I actually work for a living) So, please help me out here with a few items I just don’t understand.

The way I see it, these big financial guys are some greedy bastards. They suck up huge windfall profits when times are good and come crying with their hands out when things go wrong. They made bad decisions, wrote bad loans, based on bad appraisals, and leveraged both themselves and the average home owner to the point of no return. They forgot about prudent lending practices because the money was coming in so quick, that they needed to get “their share”. And aren’t these the same suit wearing and calculator thumping bankers that would charge a borrower exorbitant interest rates and punitive penalties, if he was ever a day late on a payment ? The same guys that would tow a man’s work truck away if he missed a monthly payment, and lecture him on basic economics.

Ok, so here is where I really need your help understanding…..Now, all of a sudden these “Wonders of Wall Street” have gotten in over their heads and suddenly its up to Joe Six Pack and the rest of the American Tax payers (and our grandchildren) to help “Bail” them out ? (with our hard earned tax dollars)..because it will be good for the country…

Well, I sure don’t see the logic in that move but, if that’s the way the game is played, I’d like to ask for a little bail-out for myself. You see, I don’t have any money in my account, because I spent it all on booze, wild women, and alimony payments, and now I’m broke. (I wouldn’t bother you, if I had just wasted the money). I have a stack of “final notice” letters on the kitchen table that would choke a horse, the fridge is empty, I’m out of beer and cigarettes, and the bill collectors are ringing the phone off the hook and knocking my door down. Not only that, but it’s costing me half my paycheck just to fill up the old pick up truck, cauz gas is over $4.00 a gallon.

Being that you guy’s all saw fit to bail-out the big boys to the tune of almost a trillion dollars, then I figured you’d be more than happy to send a little cash my way. I went thru the problem of adding up my bills (I can provide a copy of the adding machine tape, if needed), and figure if you just send me $142,562.57 I can sneak by for a while. Once I get the money, I’ll be sure to recommend your services to all my friends that own small businesses and that can not make payroll. They can all use a bailout also. Remember, tax payers are people too.

Ps: Please send cash (In Unmarked Bills) directly to my home, because I just can’t trust those flim-flam man bankers anymore. I have included a self addressed return envelope, and I even sprung for the stamp.

P.I.B.