DEAR I.R.S.

DEAR I.R.S.
Dear I.R.S.

I know you guys are busy (especially this time of year), but I have some questions that are kind of bugging me and I was hoping you could help me out. Being a good American, I pride myself on knowing how our government works, so I decided that I had the weekend off, and what better time to read a copy of our tax code. I envisioned myself hunkered up on the couch with a good cup of coffee and a copy of that best seller. ( I heard it was a good read)

Well, I drove over to the local Books A Million and tried to buy a copy and they just kind’a laughed at me. The fell’a behind the counter actually had tears in his eyes. Anyway, I headed over to the library, figuring copies of books and stuff, is their deal. You may find this hard to believe, but the librarian gave me the same look of disbelief and went to laughing also (of course much more quietly than the other guy ..(I mean it is a library).

Not one to be easily dismayed, I went home and fired up the old computer. First I went to Amazon .com…I didn’t know what category to look under so I tried: Fiction, Drama, Comedy, and even Coffee Table Books (well, maybe if you had one hell of a large coffee table). I really didn’t have any luck there so I tried a few google searchs. I found the mystical document alluded to several times but I was not able to actually locate the document (and I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to down load that sucker, if I did find it). Now I’m thinking there must be a copy somewhere, encased in glass or something, and on display like the constitution or the Liberty Bell.

I was however able to find some articles about the (alleged) tax code. I knew it was a rather large document and I’ve heard from some accountants and tax lawyers that it’s actual a real blockbuster. I’ve also heard it’s rather “wordy” with some sources indicating that it may exceed some 67,000 pages. (that makes it longer than the bible) Now, I love to read as much as the next man, but I’d have to take a 3 year sabbatical to pour thru that kind of novel.

Its seems to me that there can’t be too many guys like me that would have the time or smarts to really understand the “ins and outs” of the tax code (maybe I can get the cheat notes , or tax code for Dummy’s version). In fact, I understand that Americans waste some 6.2 billion hours just filling out their tax returns ( Is that more hours than Mcdonald’s has sold hamburgers?), at a cost in lost productivity exceeding 300 billion. ( I need an editor to fact check that for me, but at this point my creative staff is pushed to its limits).

I keep hearing about tax reform in Congress, but from what I can see the tax code has only gotten more bloated and complex. Honestly now, how many people can really get their arms around a law that far out of control ? The code has been added to and band-aided for years, it was a scant 400 pages back in 1913 (too hard to understand, even back then)

Listen, there is no question in my mind that the government has the “need and right” to collect taxes and I whole heartedly agree with them ( hear that guys..this is my fine print disclaimer. By the way feel free to stop by the house anytime for a nice dish of pasta… Love you guys) By all accounts, the system works for them, as they collect over 1.5 trillion (I love the way that word just rolls off the tongue) dollars annually in tax revenue. If It makes you feel any better, the government does a damn good job of spending every dollar of it ( and then some ..Special thanks to the Chinese and everyone else buying up our debt) Hey, they really need all that money, and where else can they get it from. It’s not like they can just turn on the printing presses and print some ( uhhh. On second thought ..maybe that’s not the best analogy in this case) . As a side note: the government could try spending less, but that’s never going to happen.

Alright, just so you realize I’m not just a complainer here are a few alternatives.

One: Discontinue the entire collection of income taxes ( Note: probably wont work,,but I thought I’d swing for the fences on this one)

Two: Move to a Flat tax: everyone pays a tax at the point of purchase. It would be administered just like a state sales tax. Based on the principle that people with money tend to spend money, and people with lots of money, tend to spend lots of money. It places the burden of collection on business owners (who have a lot to loose by not being 100% accurate and honest in their collections and reporting) No complicated paperwork, and very hard to cheat on. Also, its very inclusive because Americans are spenders.

Three: Leave the current system in place but institute a tax incentive to move the economy in the right direction. For instance: If a consumer (A.K.A. taxpayer) buys or spends in a target economic area he/she gets a tax credit. For instance, if the taxpayer buys an American car, opens a savings account, eats at an Italian restaurant (I am a little self serving here), or invests in heavy equipment made in the good old U.S., they get an offsetting tax credit against any income tax they owe. There is a loss of tax revenue from the individual, however the business or targeted entity receives new revenues that are taxable.

Four: We discontinue the tax code and have all the I.R.S. agents standing out front of department and grocery stores with a red kettle on a tripod, and ringing a little bell for donations. (or selling boxes of thin mint cookies)

I hope all you I.R.S. guys realize that I’m just trying to help out here…If your not happy about this article please contact me at poorfrenchboy@writer in exile.com . All others can write me at pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.
Ps: Happy April 15th