.jpg)
CREDIT CRUNCH
I don’t know too many people that are not affected by the current economic downturn and ensuing credit crunch. Recent data released by the government suggests that up to 630,000 people per week are loosing their jobs. With Huge American icons like GM and Chrysler heading for bankruptcy, how can the average guy hope to get thru this thing un-scathed.? ( unless we each get a miniature bail out package like the big boys get)
With hundreds of thousand of layoffs, we are also suffering from a liquidity crisis caused mainly ( in my humble opinion) by greedy bankers. In any case, the average Joe (and even the above average Joesph) is finding himself in a very tight cash flow position (also known as: being broke),
Many people are running up their credit card balances to help buy the things they need and might ordinarily pay cash for. (by the way the credit card companies have seized this opportune moment to jack up the interest rates on your old gold card,)
To be honest, I have found myself also caught up in the current recession (code word for all out depression). My real estate holdings have suffered as well as my stock portfolio, gas and oil leases, fine art collection and international holdings (ok..may a little bit of hyperbole here). In any case, I’ve decided that I’m just not going to take this whole thing lying down.
I’ve always heard that there are often hidden opportunities brought about by adversity. So after studying the current marketplace, I think I’ve latched onto a much needed service. With everyone having severe declines in their personal income, it seems that most people are getting more than their share of collection calls from credit card companies, lawyers, and other agencies. Let’s face it, no one wants the embarrassment and inconvenience of having to deal with ugly collection calls. So, after some careful thought I’ve started my own new company: “Credit Advisory Services”.
For only $9.95 a month (for pg 13 rated services…”R” rated services run $12.95 per month. By the way, its payable in advance because we already know you can’t pay your bills) you can forward all of your harassing and annoying collection calls directly to my trained credit advisors. When you receive an unwanted collection call simply hit “star/pound” on your phone and the call instantly gets transferred to my secure lines at “CAS Central”.(located in a hidden bunker in Pakistan) Our personnel are trained to handle all types of collection related calls from credit card companies, doctor offices, utilities companies, gambling debts, and banks (our special dodging the IRS plan only available to our Platinum level customers for just $897.95/month)
We use pre-scripted answers, hi-decibel sirens, annoying fax machine sounds and even a recording of a baby crying to disorientate your creditors. Just call our toll free number and I’ll send you, absolutely free, a C.D. with some of our best anti-bill collector banter. You’ll enjoy the timeless favorites, from our creditor’s collection like:
Thanks for your call but our client is on vacation in Hawaii, and has no intention of paying you
Don’t take this the wrong way but you are just wasting your time
Our automated answering system is happy to talk to your automated calling system, while our client is enjoying all the stuff he bought while using your credit card. (Thanks for the generous $15,000 limit)
Don’t blame our client. You are the idiots that gave him all that credit
Might as well quit calling, It’s not our debt, and frankly, we don’t give a damn
Congratulations you reached our payment processing hot line. Please press “3” to get your payment processed immediately and it will be on it’s way to you by overnight express mail. Now ..press “4” if you really believed that line about getting paid…WHAT A LOOSER.
Thanks for calling…one of our specialists will be right with you…..You are currently number 996,223 in line, we will be with you sometime before your retirement.
All of our consultants are busy right now..please relax and listen to an endless loop of Barry Manalov music until we get around to your call.
Sorry we missed you…Please leave a short message that we in turn promise to never listen to.
Thanks for calling “CAS”. All lines are busy right now, so we are forwarding your call to the local Jehovah Witness Hotline…..Enjoy……
So, remember, if this economic situation has you down and you want to avoid hungry creditors, join thousands of other satisfied customers and call Credit Advisory Services today at 1-800- GetLost.
Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com
P.I.B.
I don’t know too many people that are not affected by the current economic downturn and ensuing credit crunch. Recent data released by the government suggests that up to 630,000 people per week are loosing their jobs. With Huge American icons like GM and Chrysler heading for bankruptcy, how can the average guy hope to get thru this thing un-scathed.? ( unless we each get a miniature bail out package like the big boys get)
With hundreds of thousand of layoffs, we are also suffering from a liquidity crisis caused mainly ( in my humble opinion) by greedy bankers. In any case, the average Joe (and even the above average Joesph) is finding himself in a very tight cash flow position (also known as: being broke),
Many people are running up their credit card balances to help buy the things they need and might ordinarily pay cash for. (by the way the credit card companies have seized this opportune moment to jack up the interest rates on your old gold card,)
To be honest, I have found myself also caught up in the current recession (code word for all out depression). My real estate holdings have suffered as well as my stock portfolio, gas and oil leases, fine art collection and international holdings (ok..may a little bit of hyperbole here). In any case, I’ve decided that I’m just not going to take this whole thing lying down.
I’ve always heard that there are often hidden opportunities brought about by adversity. So after studying the current marketplace, I think I’ve latched onto a much needed service. With everyone having severe declines in their personal income, it seems that most people are getting more than their share of collection calls from credit card companies, lawyers, and other agencies. Let’s face it, no one wants the embarrassment and inconvenience of having to deal with ugly collection calls. So, after some careful thought I’ve started my own new company: “Credit Advisory Services”.
For only $9.95 a month (for pg 13 rated services…”R” rated services run $12.95 per month. By the way, its payable in advance because we already know you can’t pay your bills) you can forward all of your harassing and annoying collection calls directly to my trained credit advisors. When you receive an unwanted collection call simply hit “star/pound” on your phone and the call instantly gets transferred to my secure lines at “CAS Central”.(located in a hidden bunker in Pakistan) Our personnel are trained to handle all types of collection related calls from credit card companies, doctor offices, utilities companies, gambling debts, and banks (our special dodging the IRS plan only available to our Platinum level customers for just $897.95/month)
We use pre-scripted answers, hi-decibel sirens, annoying fax machine sounds and even a recording of a baby crying to disorientate your creditors. Just call our toll free number and I’ll send you, absolutely free, a C.D. with some of our best anti-bill collector banter. You’ll enjoy the timeless favorites, from our creditor’s collection like:
Thanks for your call but our client is on vacation in Hawaii, and has no intention of paying you
Don’t take this the wrong way but you are just wasting your time
Our automated answering system is happy to talk to your automated calling system, while our client is enjoying all the stuff he bought while using your credit card. (Thanks for the generous $15,000 limit)
Don’t blame our client. You are the idiots that gave him all that credit
Might as well quit calling, It’s not our debt, and frankly, we don’t give a damn
Congratulations you reached our payment processing hot line. Please press “3” to get your payment processed immediately and it will be on it’s way to you by overnight express mail. Now ..press “4” if you really believed that line about getting paid…WHAT A LOOSER.
Thanks for calling…one of our specialists will be right with you…..You are currently number 996,223 in line, we will be with you sometime before your retirement.
All of our consultants are busy right now..please relax and listen to an endless loop of Barry Manalov music until we get around to your call.
Sorry we missed you…Please leave a short message that we in turn promise to never listen to.
Thanks for calling “CAS”. All lines are busy right now, so we are forwarding your call to the local Jehovah Witness Hotline…..Enjoy……
So, remember, if this economic situation has you down and you want to avoid hungry creditors, join thousands of other satisfied customers and call Credit Advisory Services today at 1-800- GetLost.
Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com
P.I.B.
No comments:
Post a Comment