MILLIONAIRE

THE MILLIONAIRE

When I was a kid there was a Television show called “The Millionaire”. The premise of the show was that a very wealthy benefactor would give away a million dollars to a perfect stranger with the provision that the recipient never divulged the source of the money.

Although I’m not in a position to give perfect strangers such a large sum of money, I thought it would be cool if I could do the same sort of thing, just on a smaller basis. (Ok… A much smaller basis) I figured I might as well get a jump on this whole “Redistribution of Wealth” concept that the government seems so bent on. (don’t that call that Socialism ?).

Well, in keeping with the whole “take from the rich and give to the poor concept”, I formulated a plan of action. I mean, why wait until the government taxes me; puts a cap on my wages, or just plain confiscates my savings (now that they own the banks and all). I might as well get some joy and personal satisfaction out of giving away my own hard earned money.

It turns out, I had to scale down the whole program to a certain degree. In the original show, the rich guy hired representatives to do his good bidding for him. Since I found myself on a much tighter budget, I decided to do the actual awarding of funds on my own.

Well, it seems people are not quite as trusting as they once were. In fact, the first few people I tried to befriend, with cash in hand, slowly backed away from me while threatening to call the cops. After that experience I decided to take things a little slower and offer a little more in the way of explanation before I got to the “show me the money” part of the script.

Well it turns out this whole, let me help my neighbor succeed concept, is not as easy as one might assume. Over the course of the next few attempts I was threatened, robbed, beaten, and reported to the local authorities as some kind of nut case. Maybe this is why the original Mark Antony guy used proxies in neat black suits (they must have been more socially believable than me in my jeans and wife beater T-shirt.)

Not to be a quitter, I decided that I had better refine my approach, and perhaps do a little more research on my selected recipients before waltzing in with the cashola. Perhaps some of the people I selected, just didn’t need the money, were too proud, or maybe they just didn’t believe in charity. After careful study I decided to select a guy that seemed rather down on his luck, that I ascertained by virtue of the “will work for food” sign he was holding at the side of the highway.

I approached the fella with outstretched arms and told him that good fortune was smiling down on him today. I thought I would be brief and get the business disclaimer part of my offer out of the way, and began explaining the part about how he could never disclose the source of his good fortune only to find him fast asleep before he could acknowledge his part of the deal. In disgust, I left him 20 dollars in his make shift collection plate and moved on with a renewed sense of purpose. (I had determined that I would not be denied my ‘warm and fuzzy feeling” of giving away my money)




Tired but undaunted I spent the next day devising a sure fire plan to give away some money to those in need, thereby fulfilling my social, patriotic, and philanthropic instincts. A quick trip to the bank in the morning served the purpose of turning in all my cash and withdrawing the same amount of funds in a great number of certified bank checks.

I now set about my day randomly selecting worthy looking recipients and with very little fanfare I handed each of them one of the bank checks. I handed out checks to people in front of the hospital (my answer to Universal health care), I handed out checks to students gathered in front of the local college ( leave no student behind), and I handed out checks at the old folks home (my answer to social security) The plan worked perfectly because each one of them (both rich and poor) to a man simply looked down at the check then smiled as they put the check in their pocket, wallet, or purse.

With a great deal of satisfaction I finished the day after having exhausted my supply of checks and money. I was now broke and in fact quite destitute but rewarded by the fact that I had so diligently and completely accomplished my quest. I was feeling quite noble, but in a more pensive moment, I had cause to question my own actions. Did I actually help the economy, or did I just give money to strangers, that I may have personally spent to better purpose. (perhaps creating long lasting jobs)

You also might ask, how I so totally overcame the natural resistance of most Americans to put aside their pride and take handout money from a perfect stranger…..Actually it was quite simple. (I just borrowed a lesson from the Federal Government) I simply added one line of explanation to the bottom of each check…..

“Stimulus Check”

Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.