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UNSUNG HEROES
We were just kids when we got married. I had just turned eighteen and Wendell was only a year older. He was just out of high school and although he was captain of the football team, he didn’t have the skills he needed to get a good job. After bouncing around from one lousy job to the other, he went down and talked to the navy recruiter.
That night he told me that he had made the decision to enlist. The navy offered great training and even a paid college tuition down the line. I was so proud of him but I guess we never thought thru what that decision would mean to our marriage and family life.
Originally we had planned to wait another year or so, but while he was still in basic training, the war broke out. It soon became clear that all the guys would be shipping out as soon as they finished their training.
Wendell somehow managed to get a weekend off after boot camp and before they were due to ship out, and we decided on the spot to get married. I guess it was a rather impulsive act, but I had just recently discovered that I was pregnant and I wanted our baby to have a real dad. Besides, we loved each other and I thought it was the right thing to do.
To be honest, I never thought he would have to ship off so soon. In retrospect I really hadn’t thought thru all the implications of being a navy wife. Anyway, I’ll never forget going down to the dock that day to see him off. It was overcast and gloomy, which kind of matched my mood for the day. The dock was draped in American flags and the music played as the men waited to board the ship. There were T.V. cameras and reporters covering the event because the men had been assigned to a brand new ship. This was their first mission together and the captain addressed the crowd from under a small white tent. He told us that he planned to take the ship into harms way, but that he wanted us to know that, both he, the men, and the ship were more than up to the task. It was a good send off and there were hundreds of family members, mothers, fathers, and children, and we all stood there in a light rain as our loved ones boarded the ship.
I don’t think it really hit me until the boat started pulling away that I was going to be alone. I wasn’t even sure when I would see him again. I can remember standing there as the ship sailed out of the harbor. Most of the crowd had already disbursed as the rain began coming down quite hard. I stood there in a daze wiping a mixture of rain and tears from my eyes, until the ship was just a small dot on the horizon. For some reason I wanted to hold onto that sight, because I felt that maybe he was still looking back at me. I guess a lot of the family members had been thru this experience before, but for me it was the first time and it was a heart wrenching experience.
That night the loneliness set in and it seemed almost unbearable. Gone were the music, the cameras, flags, and fanfare. This was to be the life of a women married to a U.S. servicemen that they don’t show in the recruiting commercials. Today I have joined this unwilling fraternity, the uncertain and lonely life shared by women for as long as their men have been going off to sea. Somehow it seemed even worse for me. Here I was a young women and pregnant for the first time. I laid there and held my hand on my stomach. I think I felt the baby move for the first time, but I wasn’t sure. I remember crying until I fell asleep. This was supposed to be a moment that we both shared.
Over the next few months, I tried to stay busy and make the best of things. My mother drove down form New York to spend a week with me, which really helped but there was no way to fill the hole in my life. Not a day went by when I didn’t feel the emptiness, the loneliness, and the despair. Its hard to explain how powerless you feel when you can’t just pick up a phone or drive across town to just talk to someone you love. I tried hanging out with some of the other Navy wives in the community and we all tried to console each other. We all banned together like an extended family to help comfort each other, but none of us can take the hurt away. None of us can take the place of the special person in our lives that is thousands of miles away. The women who have been thru it before seemed to have a little different outlook, but we all shared the same loneliness and emptiness. I think the career Navy women, tend to portray themselves as more stoic but I think in reality, they just are more experienced at hiding their true feelings.
Our baby was born on November 15th, but the happy moment was tempered by the fact that her daddy was fighting halfway around the world. I know he would have given anything to be with me on that day, but it’s just one more sacrifice our little family would have to make to help keep America strong. That night my mom sent Wendell an e-mail with a few digital photos of our little girl and I latter found out from his buddies that our big tough sailor held that picture close to his heart and cried like a baby.
I had been counting down the days and fully expected Wendell to complete his deployment and be home by December 7th, in plenty of time to enjoy Christmas with us, but that’s not how the Navy works. They needed his ships capabilities and firepower and they were ordered to extend their deployment. In any case Christmas and the New Year both went by and we both had to settle for e-mails and cards instead of time together.
Finally in mid January we got word that the ship was on its way back to port. The whole naval community was excited and we planned a tremendous celebration at the dock when she came back to port. The next evening I got an unexpected visit from my girlfriend Kathy and a few of the other wives. I figured they stopped by to discuss the details of the reunion party but the look on their faces told me otherwise.
After an awkward and painful moment of silence, during which I almost tried to read their minds Kathy told me that there was a training accident. I knew the hostilities were over, but didn’t know the crews still engaged in daily training even on the way back to port. They told me that Wendell was killed along with his best friend Buck.
I stood there for a moment in disbelief. I thought, It couldn’t be so. The ship had left the war zone with no causalities and was steaming home. Wendell had done his time, we had waited patiently, he promised he’d be home soon, everything was already planned to meet him at the dock. It just couldn’t be, and yet it was.
I collapsed to the ground, crying and almost in a fetal position as the other women tried to comfort me. I could hear the baby crying from the other room, but didn’t have the strength to get up. The girls stayed with me thru the night, but they all went home in the morning. I just sat there in the house for the rest of the day, in a state of shock. The Navy sent by a counselor to try and help me with my grief, but no one can take away the sting of death that you feel when you lose a loved one.
Less than a week latter, I made myself meet the ship at the dock. Its Navy tradition that new fathers who had a child born while they were at sea, get off the ship first. This time Wendell was the first one off, except he made the trip in a box. The commanding officer handed me a flag from off the ship along with some words about a grateful nation and then we made our way out of the port in a short procession. I could hear the sounds of joyous re-unions from the crowd outside, but there would be no joy for me, now or for many years to come. I had lost my first love and had only a flag and a picture of him to comfort me.
I only hope that our people, our country, and our leaders realize that the sacrifices our servicemen and women make to serve their country is deeply felt and echoed by their family and loved ones that are left behind. Especially those that share in the ultimate sacrifice of losing a loved one while in the service of his or her country.
In my mind these women who bravely support, quietly wait, and often suffer, yet somehow miraculously endure, are the true American Unsung Heroes.
Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com
P.I.B.
We were just kids when we got married. I had just turned eighteen and Wendell was only a year older. He was just out of high school and although he was captain of the football team, he didn’t have the skills he needed to get a good job. After bouncing around from one lousy job to the other, he went down and talked to the navy recruiter.
That night he told me that he had made the decision to enlist. The navy offered great training and even a paid college tuition down the line. I was so proud of him but I guess we never thought thru what that decision would mean to our marriage and family life.
Originally we had planned to wait another year or so, but while he was still in basic training, the war broke out. It soon became clear that all the guys would be shipping out as soon as they finished their training.
Wendell somehow managed to get a weekend off after boot camp and before they were due to ship out, and we decided on the spot to get married. I guess it was a rather impulsive act, but I had just recently discovered that I was pregnant and I wanted our baby to have a real dad. Besides, we loved each other and I thought it was the right thing to do.
To be honest, I never thought he would have to ship off so soon. In retrospect I really hadn’t thought thru all the implications of being a navy wife. Anyway, I’ll never forget going down to the dock that day to see him off. It was overcast and gloomy, which kind of matched my mood for the day. The dock was draped in American flags and the music played as the men waited to board the ship. There were T.V. cameras and reporters covering the event because the men had been assigned to a brand new ship. This was their first mission together and the captain addressed the crowd from under a small white tent. He told us that he planned to take the ship into harms way, but that he wanted us to know that, both he, the men, and the ship were more than up to the task. It was a good send off and there were hundreds of family members, mothers, fathers, and children, and we all stood there in a light rain as our loved ones boarded the ship.
I don’t think it really hit me until the boat started pulling away that I was going to be alone. I wasn’t even sure when I would see him again. I can remember standing there as the ship sailed out of the harbor. Most of the crowd had already disbursed as the rain began coming down quite hard. I stood there in a daze wiping a mixture of rain and tears from my eyes, until the ship was just a small dot on the horizon. For some reason I wanted to hold onto that sight, because I felt that maybe he was still looking back at me. I guess a lot of the family members had been thru this experience before, but for me it was the first time and it was a heart wrenching experience.
That night the loneliness set in and it seemed almost unbearable. Gone were the music, the cameras, flags, and fanfare. This was to be the life of a women married to a U.S. servicemen that they don’t show in the recruiting commercials. Today I have joined this unwilling fraternity, the uncertain and lonely life shared by women for as long as their men have been going off to sea. Somehow it seemed even worse for me. Here I was a young women and pregnant for the first time. I laid there and held my hand on my stomach. I think I felt the baby move for the first time, but I wasn’t sure. I remember crying until I fell asleep. This was supposed to be a moment that we both shared.
Over the next few months, I tried to stay busy and make the best of things. My mother drove down form New York to spend a week with me, which really helped but there was no way to fill the hole in my life. Not a day went by when I didn’t feel the emptiness, the loneliness, and the despair. Its hard to explain how powerless you feel when you can’t just pick up a phone or drive across town to just talk to someone you love. I tried hanging out with some of the other Navy wives in the community and we all tried to console each other. We all banned together like an extended family to help comfort each other, but none of us can take the hurt away. None of us can take the place of the special person in our lives that is thousands of miles away. The women who have been thru it before seemed to have a little different outlook, but we all shared the same loneliness and emptiness. I think the career Navy women, tend to portray themselves as more stoic but I think in reality, they just are more experienced at hiding their true feelings.
Our baby was born on November 15th, but the happy moment was tempered by the fact that her daddy was fighting halfway around the world. I know he would have given anything to be with me on that day, but it’s just one more sacrifice our little family would have to make to help keep America strong. That night my mom sent Wendell an e-mail with a few digital photos of our little girl and I latter found out from his buddies that our big tough sailor held that picture close to his heart and cried like a baby.
I had been counting down the days and fully expected Wendell to complete his deployment and be home by December 7th, in plenty of time to enjoy Christmas with us, but that’s not how the Navy works. They needed his ships capabilities and firepower and they were ordered to extend their deployment. In any case Christmas and the New Year both went by and we both had to settle for e-mails and cards instead of time together.
Finally in mid January we got word that the ship was on its way back to port. The whole naval community was excited and we planned a tremendous celebration at the dock when she came back to port. The next evening I got an unexpected visit from my girlfriend Kathy and a few of the other wives. I figured they stopped by to discuss the details of the reunion party but the look on their faces told me otherwise.
After an awkward and painful moment of silence, during which I almost tried to read their minds Kathy told me that there was a training accident. I knew the hostilities were over, but didn’t know the crews still engaged in daily training even on the way back to port. They told me that Wendell was killed along with his best friend Buck.
I stood there for a moment in disbelief. I thought, It couldn’t be so. The ship had left the war zone with no causalities and was steaming home. Wendell had done his time, we had waited patiently, he promised he’d be home soon, everything was already planned to meet him at the dock. It just couldn’t be, and yet it was.
I collapsed to the ground, crying and almost in a fetal position as the other women tried to comfort me. I could hear the baby crying from the other room, but didn’t have the strength to get up. The girls stayed with me thru the night, but they all went home in the morning. I just sat there in the house for the rest of the day, in a state of shock. The Navy sent by a counselor to try and help me with my grief, but no one can take away the sting of death that you feel when you lose a loved one.
Less than a week latter, I made myself meet the ship at the dock. Its Navy tradition that new fathers who had a child born while they were at sea, get off the ship first. This time Wendell was the first one off, except he made the trip in a box. The commanding officer handed me a flag from off the ship along with some words about a grateful nation and then we made our way out of the port in a short procession. I could hear the sounds of joyous re-unions from the crowd outside, but there would be no joy for me, now or for many years to come. I had lost my first love and had only a flag and a picture of him to comfort me.
I only hope that our people, our country, and our leaders realize that the sacrifices our servicemen and women make to serve their country is deeply felt and echoed by their family and loved ones that are left behind. Especially those that share in the ultimate sacrifice of losing a loved one while in the service of his or her country.
In my mind these women who bravely support, quietly wait, and often suffer, yet somehow miraculously endure, are the true American Unsung Heroes.
Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com
P.I.B.
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