HOLIDAYS

HOLIDAYS
Today is the 4th of July, Independence Day, a great American holiday. I think everyone loves holidays…. good food, cook outs, a festive atmosphere, a few brewskies, and a day off of work. What’s not to like ? But for some reason the holidays in general seem to trigger something in some people’s psyches. I call it the “full moon” effect.
For some unexplained reason, holidays bring out the best, and sometimes the worst in a lot of people. Statistics show that accidents, police calls, boating accidents, fights, domestic violence, and trips to the emergency room rise significantly on holidays. Excessive drinking is usually part of the cause. Maybe people just don’t know what to do with themselves when they get a few extra days off of work.
It seems like even if you stay home, your chances of an being involved in an incident go up on a holiday. Everything from fireworks accidents to fires started by frying a turkey in the driveway. Not to mention the number one drinking holiday of the year, New years Eve, when all the non-drinkers decide to “have a few”, and then take a little drive.
There is also a tendency for some people to overdo their holiday preparations, especially in my neighborhood. What originally started out as a friendly rivalry to see who could have the best Christmas decorations each year, has now turned into an outright winner takes all competition. I guess nobody wants to be outdone by the Jones’s.
For example, every year a few weeks before the 4th of July my neighbors begin to stock pile weapons (I mean fireworks). I always know when the 4th is getting close because they start some test launches around 3 or 4 days before the 4th to kind of zero in on their targets. The local authorities know what’s going on but just kind of leave good enough alone. They issue traffic warnings for our section of town and even low flying planes are given “surface to air warnings” and are recommended to observe the “no-fly zone” and avoid our area for the week.
There are fireworks, and then there are fireworks. To be honest, I’m not even sure where these guys buy their weapons grade, high yield pyrotechnics. I think most of their high end stuff may be illegal in the U.S. I’ve heard they’ve bought some of it from an arms dealer out of the former Soviet Union. I’m all for expressing our freedom with fireworks but I think the roadside I.E.D.’s and tracer rounds are taking things a little too far. I knew I was buying into a rough neighborhood because the realtor had to disclose that several of the neighbors are in the witness protection program, but I believe some of these guys are also on the early release program from Guantanamo Bay
Each year the neighbors have their kids out there, under the cover of darkness, setting up a command post, digging trenches, stockpiling MRE’s, and putting up sandbags and constentino wire. They even have the family SUV set up like some type of luxury Abrams tank, with mobile launch systems. Frankly, for self defense, I’ve been looking on e-bay for a good used Patriot anti-missile defense system. But I guess I’ll be ok, now that I’ve converted my pool into an underground bunker. Maybe I should invoke the Geneva convention.
I must admit that I’ve given some thought to moving to a safer neighborhood, but I am sentimental, and all the noise, explosions, and sirens, kind of remind me of home back in New Jersey. Anyway, with the 4th of July behind me, I can start planning for the Thanksgiving live turkey shoot and aerial turkey drop, and I have some of those giant anti-aircraft search lights lined up for my Christmas display . Let’s see those neighbors top that.

P.I.B