GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST

GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST

To tell you the truth, I think I was in a state of shock. It almost seemed surreal as 2 police cars and an ambulance came screeching to a stop right in front of my house. For a moment it almost seemed as if everything was happening in slow motion.

I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. My eyes fixated on the flashing lights on top of the patrol cars, it was almost hypnotic. Fortunately I came out of it just in time to see that the lead two officers had drawn their guns and were screaming commands at me. I looked down and realized that I still had my gun in my right hand. My 1911 .45 caliber pistol was still hot and the slide was locked back, indicating that I had somehow emptied all 7 rounds. The whole thing seemed like a dream.

Still standing there wide eyed and astonished at the recent turn of events, I complied with their command and set my gun down on the hood of my car and then went to my knees. I started to explain what happened but my voice was drowned out by the siren and the officers repeated orders for me to lie down, face down with my hands to my sides.

The minute I complied with their wishes, the bigger guy grabbed me by the left wrist and pulled it behind my back, while snapping a handcuff on me. In one fluid motion he quickly grabbed my other wrist and expertly preformed a similar maneuver. With a quick glance up I could see his partner covering me with his pistol while the other officers were shaking their heads after taking the pulse of the guy that lay bleeding by the curb. Needless to say after eating a whole clip of 45’s there was no pulse to be found.

Things were looking pretty bad for me about now, but to put things in perspective, I really should start at the beginning. I really am a good guy, a law abiding citizen, in fact I can’t even remember getting a traffic ticket since I was a teenager.

It all started fairly innocently a few days ago, when I had taken my girlfriend out to dinner. We had an enjoyable and uneventful dinner and were standing in line at the club next door for a few drinks when all of my problems started. I was minding my own business while digging thru my wallet looking for a twenty dollar bill to pay the cover charge.

I hear a voice from behind us in line making a rude comment about my girlfriend. I turn around and look down the line in disgust to determine who made the comment, but everyone seems to be just talking among themselves.

A few minutes later we had worked our way forward in the line and could hear the loud music from inside. Suddenly, I feel a jolt from behind me as a rather large guy bumps me with his shoulder. I could tell by how hard he hit me and the fact that he didn’t turn to apologize that this was an intentional attack. Guys don’t need a body language expert to translate that statement.

Well, I’m as nice as the next guy, but it was evident that this was the same guy that made the rude comment and now he was physically harassing me. I thought about what had transpired for a second and contemplated letting it go unchallenged, but after all the guy was a jerk and I didn’t want to look like a weakling in front of my girl friend.

He hadn’t taken two steps past me as I in turn called him a few choice names of my own, and gave him the one finger salute. Well it was evident that this guy wasn’t one to let by gone’s be by gone’s and he immediately turned on his heels and shoved me backward with both hands. I could hear my girlfriend urge me to just walk away, but the fight was already on.

I had no formal fight training but everyone that knows me, knows I have a short fuse, and this son of gun had just lit it. Well, no sooner then I had I put my hands up in a defensive position, sasquatch throws a big haymaker right at my head. I partially blocked his punch but still managed to catch half of its force right above my ear.

At about that point my adrenaline kicked in and I answered with a 3 punch flurry, the viciousness of which seemed to surprise Mr. Tough Guy. At first he reeled back a few steps but then charged at me with his head down and tackled me to the pavement. By this time everyone in the line had formed a circle around us and a few of the bouncers from the club had managed to pull us apart. The head bouncer said he was going to call the police, so I took that as notice to get out of there and walk back to my car.

Just as we were about to get back into my car, a black S.U.V. pulled up and stopped right next to us. The tinted window rolled down and my assailant gave me a menacing look. I have to admit that I took a certain amount of joy in seeing a trickle of blood from the guy’s nose. He said something I couldn’t make out and then started laughing hysterically as he waived a black object at me. At first I thought it may have been a gun, but then it struck me that it was a wallet, my wallet. A quick but frantic pat on my back pocket confirmed that the bastard had indeed taken my wallet. Complete with cash, credit cards, and drivers license.

Well, as soon as I got home, and had a drink to calm my nerves, I decided to start contacting my credit card companies. I first checked my accounts on line and discovered that the jackass with my wallet was already out running up quite a bill on my credit cards. My girlfriend wisely urged me to call the police, but I didn’t want the hassle. I struggled to think about what else was in my wallet that was now in this guy’s possession. I was up half the night doing damage control before I finally fell asleep around 4 A.M. I was certain I would have to endure a case of identity theft, for the foreseeable future.

I slept in the next morning and woke up still feeling a little sore from last night’s workout. Coffee cup in hand I walked out into the driveway to get the morning paper, only to find my empty wallet, cut up and laying next to the newspaper. The only thing left in the wallet was a picture of my girlfriend and I, with my half of the picture cut out. In my mind, this guy was a sicko and was making this thing personal.

I could only assume that the mental midget I had the fight with, intentionally left my wallet there to send me the unmistakable message that he knew where I lived. I have to admit that it was an unsettling feeling knowing that some half baked criminal, that had a bone to pick with me, knew where my house was.

The next day and a half went without incident, but I was convinced that I hadn’t heard the last of this guy and had decided to carry my home protection gun, just in case. My girlfriend stopped by briefly on her way to work around 5pm to see how I was doing and drop off some dinner she had made for me.

After she left I decided to stay home and watch T.V. when I must have fell asleep on the couch around 11 o’clock. Around 2:30 in the morning I awoke to what sounded like someone trying to open my back door. (it’s funny how you can sleep with the television on but still hear a house sound that is out of the ordinary).

I was still groggy with sleep, but remembered that I hadn’t gone thru my usual routine of checking all the doors before dozing off for the night. My girlfriend doesn’t approve of guns so I had left mine in the nightstand next to my bed. I make a quick dash for the bedroom to retrieve it, and as I left my room I noticed a shadowy figure looking in the front window.

Outraged and with gun in hand, I threw open the front door only to see the same unmistakable black S.U.V. parked directly in front of my house. At this point I was both frightened and enraged. I must have surprised the intruder, as he then made a bee line for his car, shouting threats and obscenities the whole way. I raised my gun and leveled the front sight on his center mass, but then took my finger off the trigger and lowered it to the ground.

I couldn’t bring my self to shooting an unarmed guy running away (although the urge certainly crossed my mind). Just as the guy reached the front passenger door he turned and shouted that I had no guts. He reached inside his vehicle and spun back towards me. This time I was sure it wasn’t my wallet that he had in his hand and by instinct fired what I thought was one or two shots at him. I watched as his car window fractured, bullets ricocheted off his vehicle, and his body slowly slumped to the ground.

One of the neighbors must have called the cops, after hearing the commotion, because they were there in minutes. Now, I find myself being read my rights and then handcuffed and alone in the back seat of a police car. I have to admit I’m afraid. I don’t think I did anything wrong. There are a thousand thoughts rushing thru my mind as we pull away from my house. I’m an innocent victim, and I didn’t start this thing but now I’m facing possible jail time. I guess it goes to show you that some times, even the good guys finish last.

Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
I’ve been traveling this week and couldn’t help but notice the sound of police sirens in the distance during most of the night. I know we all try to block out the thought of crime and violent crimes as we sleep in our nice homes and safe hotel rooms. The truth is, that crime is rampant not only in big cities but in all American cities. In fact, we may rapidly reach the point where we simply can’t build enough jails. The government has already moved to hiring private companies to manage jails and retention facilities. Also, who wants a new high security prison in their neighborhood?
What is crime and what causes it ? Since the beginning of time man and society have established what is socially acceptable and what is not. Thru a system of laws and morals, people define the behavior that a society as a whole finds acceptable and not acceptable. Sometimes these guidelines vary from society to society, but for the most part everyone is aware of the “rules”.
For as long as there has been standards and laws, there have been those who choose to violate those laws and standards. At some level, we all may break the law at some point, perhaps run a stop sign or travel at 5 miles per hour over the speed limit. However, if enough people choose to violate the more serious of these guidelines, the social fabric of the community tends to break down.
In order to maintain the laws and standards of the society, some type of Justice System must be put into place. It can be as simple as a rag tag vigilante group or as sophisticated as our modern Law enforcement and Judicial system. The main tools we have used to combat crime have been mostly unchanged for generations:
Education: Awareness is good, but you can’t teach morality
Social pressure: only works on people who give a damn
Fines and other financial forfeitures
Imprisonment- that is so costly and has such a high recidivism rate
Capital Punishment- with its negative social connotation, but zero recidivism rate
In the end the only thing that seems to have an effect is to make the fear of punishment greater than the desire to commit the crime. (hence the phrase: don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time)
If each society has well known laws and standards, that leads to the question as to: What is the Logic, Motivation, or Mindset that causes an individual to act “outside the law” ? Here I have listed my “top dozen” precursors to crime. (in no particular order)
1> Pre-meditated actions: Ahh…The bank robbery, the Scam, drug smuggling, the perfect crime. Unfortunately nothing ever seems to go as planned. The would be criminal knows he may be caught but weighs out the Risk/Reward ratio and decides to take a chance
2> Spontaneous actions: Not premeditated, but acted on when the opportunity presents itself. Also common when the participant thinks he has little or nothing to lose.

3> Criminal predisposition: Some people are just wired to taking the easy way out. They look at every situation with an eye towards taking unfair advantage. The rules only apply to “the other guy”. Steal its Easy money
4> Crimes of passion: Another spontaneous action crime, however they usually have a more compelling reason and is often an action that the individual would not engage in, if cooler heads prevailed (often quite violent)
5> Competing evils: There are situations that present themselves where the individual must decide between two choices that could both be considered illegal, and a split second decision is made.
6> Group or mass actions: Being social animals we sometimes get caught up in group actions. A simple example is when one person crosses a busy street while the crossing light says don’t walk. For some reason the rest of us feel compelled to also cross at the same time. A more serious example is often seen in riots, where a few individuals break windows or cause damage and the behavior quickly spreads. At some level we feel it must be ok..everyone is doing it.
7> Rationalization: Many people can rationalize almost any behavior. These rationalizations include: I deserve that possession more than them, they owe me, and it’s just this once..does that make me a bad person?
8> Mental illness: The individual that commits the crime is judged not to be in control of his/her mental capabilities…In simple terms, they can not distinguish between good and bad…A real lawyer’s favorite in the court room.
9> Inherently Violent: I know the peace lovers find this hard to understand but some people are just inherently violent and it just doesn’t take much to set them off. I don’t believe these folks can be educated or reformed; violence is their answer for most problems and it’s just part of their psyche.
10> Predatory mind set: A close cousin to the inherently violent. These folks are like wild animals, they are predators that like to feed on the poor and helpless in our society. They commit the crime…because the can.
11> Under the Influence: Weather its drugs, alcohol, or other mind altering drugs, many crimes are committed by individuals that are high. Increasingly drug and alcohol are at the root of many of our most serious crimes.
12> In search of drugs: People who spend half their life’s under the influence of drugs, easily spend the other half of their life’s in pursuit of those substances. It’s a vicious cycle that usually ends in a life of crime, imprisonment, or death. The addictions are so strong that they are willing to go to any depths to get their fix.

Fortunately most of the people of the United States are law abiding citizens, and our legal system has its checks and balances. In the final analysis, I guess the issue of crime and punishment is one we will be dealing with for a long, long time.
Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.

SINS OF THE PAST

SINS OF THE PAST

They say you can’t run from your past, and I guess that’s true, but that didn’t stop me from trying for the last 20 years. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed that I could change that one day in my past, but it still haunts me. I’ve decided today, I’m turning myself in, I’ll take my medicine, I’m tired of running.

It’s not like I planned to be a criminal, in fact I had never even gotten a speeding ticket up to that point. In fact, it all started when I decided that I couldn’t take another day of this darn freezing Maine weather. Honestly, it was just like that, I decided to pack my stuff and head south for warmer weather. Looking back, it wasn’t the smartest thing I ever did. I quit my lousy part time job, packed everything I had into my Backpack and started my journey south.

The funny thing was that I did not know where I was going or what I would do when I got there. I knew I didn’t have enough money to get all the way to Florida, but figured I would take a bus as far south as I could and then just hitch hike the rest of the way. An hour latter I was buying a ticket at the Grey Hound bus station and was on my way.

I soon discovered that I didn’t like traveling on a bus very much, it was cramped and seemed to stop at every hole in the wall town along the way. However, I had been to Florida once with some friends and it was a happy experience. We went down to see a race and with 3 of us driving it was only a 24 hour trip by car. This time it seemed like the Grey Hound driver was determined to make it a 2 week crawl. In any case, the long trip gave me plenty of time to think and the more I thought about my decision the more I found myself second guessing it.

The longer I sat in that cramped up seat, the more anxious and angry I became. It seemed like all my hostility was raising to the surface. The only good thing about the trip was that we were heading south and with each state we passed, I could feel the temperature gradually getting warmer.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally fell into a deep sleep, but even that was interrupted by the driver tapping me on the shoulder. This was the end of the line for me, Colleton South Carolina. I pulled the now well worn ticket from my pocket to verify that this was as far south as my meager purchase would take me. That was it, Colleton, fate has a funny way of dealing you an unexpected hand, but hell, Colleton, who would ever voluntarily choose a place like this.

I just stood there for a moment in the cool winter morning, and watched as the bus pulled back on the highway and soon disappeared in traffic. I pulled out my wallet and did a quick accounting of the money I had left. I’m not really sure why I even looked because I had just checked at the last stop, and sure enough I had the same $27.50 that I had last night. My instincts told me to hang onto every dollar till I got to Florida, but my stomach had other plans, so I walked across the street to the small restaurant for some breakfast.

As I walked across the dirt parking lot, I noticed the place wasn’t very busy. There were a few dusty pick up trucks and a tricked out motorcycle parked out front. I remember thinking to myself that this place was no Denny’s restaurant, but all I wanted was a few strong cups of coffee and a few scrambled eggs anyway.

When I walked in the door, I got some bad vibes form the few patrons that were already seated. I looked for a table facing the door so that I would not have to look any of them in the eye. The place had maybe 10 tables and most of them seemed to still have dirty dishes on them, so I decided to sit at the counter next to the guy with the leather jacket on. As I set down I glanced over to my right and was greeted with a cold stare down from this dude that looked like a Hell’s Angle. The waitress brought me over a huge cup of hot coffee, that looked more like a soup bowl with a handle and I ordered my breakfast. After a few uncomfortable minutes of silence while I was waiting for my food, I decided to break the ice and ask if that was his motorcycle out front.

I guess, I picked the one topic that we both had in common, because he immediately lightened the tone and we struck up a conversation. I told him that I worked part time at a motorcycle shop up north as a mechanic and complimented him on his ride. We probably talked shop for around 25 or 30 minutes before I asked for my check and headed for the door.

When I reached the parking lot, it dawned on me that I really didn’t know where I was heading or how to get there. I set my backpack down on one of the two rocking chairs out front and dug out my light jacket. I was just zipping up my backpack when my buddy from the counter walked out the door. He mentioned that he had a few motorcycles back at his place that needed to be repaired and asked if I wanted to take on the job. I have to admit I felt quite uneasy about the whole thing but for the first time in my life, I really wasn’t in any rush and didn’t have any better thing to do.

We decided that I could probably knock out the work in 4 or 5 days and that he would pay me $200 plus allow me to sleep out in his barn until the job was finished. I have to tell you I felt uneasy as hell about this whole arrangement but I sorely need the cash and decided to take the risk. We shook hands on the deal and soon I was riding on the back of his bike and on our way out to the job.

Just as promised I worked on the bikes and had them up and running and both in top shape in 3 days. I was told that I’d have my money and a ride back into town around 5 P.M. which would give me just enough time to catch the last bus of the day heading south.

Jim showed up just as promised around 4:45, but he was drunk and belligerent as hell. It seems that since I finished the job quicker than expected, he was only willing to pay me $100. Well, that didn’t set well with me and our discussion soon turned into a full scale argument. I stood my ground and refused to leave without the money I was promised and as tempers flared, I soon found my self standing at the business end of one big bowie knife.

At that point I decided to swallow my pride, take my loss and just move on, but it seems like I had lost my bargaining position. I threatened to call the police and turned to walk away when I felt the cold steel blade rip through my jacket. Instinctively I grabbed a tire iron off the work bench behind me a swung it widely in the direction of the blade. Well, I missed his arm, but found his head, and soon the wrench and my arm were covered with blood.

I tore off my jacket and buried it in the trash can and cleaned up as well as I could. In a panic I grabbed the thick leather wallet from my assailants back pocket. Of course he had one of those biker chains attaching the wallet to his belt, so I just grabbed the cash and a few credit cards and headed for the door. Heck, I was just a kid and now I was a felon on the run. And I ran, I ran like a criminal and did not look back.

Well, I used that money to get myself to Florida and never looked back. In retrospect I should have called the sheriff and claimed self defense, but at the time all I could think of was running. So, now, for the last 20 years I have been moving, hiding, and switching jobs, always on the run. I’ve lived and re-lived the night of the incident through countless dreams and night mares, I remember it like it was yesterday. I’ve found that a man can’t be at peace with a thing like this, can’t settle down, make friends, or even have a family, when he is carrying a burden like this. I’ve been close to being caught several times by a detective from South Carolina; he has made solving this case a personal challenge for himself.

I’ve often thought that it’s strange how fate can intervene in a man’s life and change that one defining moment that will forever alter the course of your future. Sometimes that moment will lead you to success and riches and sometimes to failure and despair. So, today, I’ve decided to again leave myself to fate, to turn myself in and let the legal system be my judge, because I’ve learned that you just can’t run from your sins of the past.

Please feel free to contact me at; pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.

FLORIDA AND BUST

FLORIDA AND BUST

I found myself nearly dozing off to the melodic beat of the rain pattering on the roof of my old pick-up truck . The insulation and soundproofing had long since been a thing of the past. The windshield wipers were keeping time, but even set on high, they could barely keep up with the rain. Even though I strained my eyes I could only see about 50’ ahead of me. I even thought about pulling over for a minute but decided to push on thru.

I was hungry and tired but after counting the meager funds in my wallet I knew I had just enough money for fuel and a few burgers along the way. It’s a good thing my girlfriend packed me a few snacks and a thermos of hot coffee. I had planned on just catching a few quick cat naps at a rest stop or two and forgo the comfort of a hotel.

As usual, I hadn’t really thought this whole trip thru. As a matter of fact, a few days ago I had no idea that I would even make this trip. The whole thing started out 2 days ago when I got a late night call from an old college buddy. Although we were very close back at school, I hadn’t heard from Tommy in years, and was taken back by his call.

We were quite the pranksters back then and prided ourselves on being able to run a scam on just about anyone. It all started out very innocently with practical jokes and gags on fellow students and teachers. I remember one time we convinced one of the professors that someone had stolen his mid term exam and sold copies to all the students in his class. He ended up postponing the whole test while he put together a new one, thereby giving all of his “less than prepared students” a few extra precious days to study. In any case, over the next 18 months that we shared a room off campus, our pranks grew in both complexity and criminal intent. In fact, by the time we left school, some of our fellow students would refer to me as a confidence man or scam artist.

For a few years after graduation we hung around the old Alma Mata and perfected our trade. During that time we upped the ante from gags and small time scores to some serious jobs with real criminal intent. After a few runs ins with the law, Tommy got busted on a game we were running and did some serious time. He never mentioned me, or my part in the deal, so I walked without even a parking ticket. After a few months of working the business alone, I folded tent and decided to move back to be closer to my parents in Jersey.

I decided to try following the straight and narrow path. And to be honest I fell off the path a few times. In fact if I hadn’t met my girlfriend Rachael, I’d probably be in jail by now. After floundering around up here for a while, it was Rachael’s parents that allowed me to work with them in their family business. They also allowed me to move into a spare room they had above the garage.

The point of this whole thing is that, It seems Tommy had pissed in the wrong guys Wheaties down in Miami and now was in debt to a couple of arm breakers, with no way to pay. So, I guess when you get in trouble, you go back to what you know best, and what Tommy and I knew best was running scams. I didn’t want to lie to Rachael so I told her I was going to help out an old friend. She knew about my past with Tommy and was smart enough to know that the only reason he would call me after all this time was for no good.

Half of me knew that I should have hung up that phone as soon as I heard his name. My conscious told me I shouldn’t get back in the old business, but the rest of me was hungry for a score and to help my old buddy out. Rachael had tried her best to talk me out of going, but I figured I owed Tommy for the time he did, plus I could use the profit from this score to get a place of our own for Rachael and I.

Anyway, after 22 hours of hard driving I had reached a small town just north of Miami and met my old buddy at a local I Hop. I hardly recognized my old partner at first glace, because he had put on about 30 pounds and was sporting a beard.

It turns out Tommy was doing a weekly run where he dropped off stolen goods to some locals who would turn it into cash and then he would stop back latter in the week and pick up the cash to bring back to his boys. The powers to be, were compensating him very well for this service, but that was not enough for my boy. He figured no one would no or miss for that matter a few dollars here or there so he started to skim. The bosses ran several guys like Tommy, so that no one guy knew too much about their shit. Of course they would never let them meet.

Well true to his nature the greedy bastard couldn’t leave good enough alone, and the skimming turned into plowing. It wasn’t long before the big guys figured this out and now Tommy has 3 days to make them whole, or they make him very dead. There is no way we can come up with the cash, so we stayed up all night planning a way for him to get even, and then some.

Several hours and a bottle of Jack latter, we had come up with a plan. It was a risky plan, but if it worked, I could bail Tommy out of his problems and get the financial head start that Rachael and I need. It seems the guys who supply the stolen goods to Tommy have a big warehouse in the area, where they stockpile all this stuff along with a boat load of cash .

They are smart operators and have never showed Tommy where they store the mother load. Each week he meets them at a different place and they load him up with all top level goods. A nice mix of electronics, booze, jewelry, cars, and occasionally some diamonds and gems. They have a good relationship with Tommy. His contact doesn’t tell him where it all comes from, and he doesn’t ask. As long as he shows up with the minimum amount of cash they agreed on, he was good.

Our plan revolved around having them expose the location of their stash, however they were not about to hand us an invitation to visit with an enclosed map. We decided on a variation of the play we did on our old college professor. If we could make them feel like their secure information and hiding spot was no longer secure, then they would most likely try moving their stuff. And, when you take things out of hiding to move them, that’s when they are most vulnerable.

Tommy gave me the names and addresses of the people he was pawning off the property to and I paid each one of them a visit to make them feel uneasy. I hinted that I could supply the same merchandise at half the cost, and I stressed the very same merchandise.

It didn’t take long before the big boys got wind of what was going on. They didn’t know if I was a cop or just an overzealous competitor. In any case, these criminal types are a pretty nervous bunch and within days they were making plans to move their merchandise, and put a temporary hold on bringing in new contraband. Just like a bunch of roaches when you turn the lights on they panicked and ran. They had no one to turn to, so in their confusion they called Tommy and told him to meet them at a new location and to bring a big truck.

We got there around 11pm and Tommy’s contact basically handed us a key to the place, a garage door opener, and an address to bring the stuff to. I don’t think it was because the liked or trusted Tommy so much as not wanting to be around in case this was a police set up.

As soon as the black Mercedes slipped off into the night, I mashed the button on the garage door opener and waited as the door went slowly up. I wish I had a picture of our faces because you would have thought it was Christmas morning. The place was piled high and wide with an assortment of goodies.

Well, we spent the rest of the night and until first light, cramming every single item we could into that rental truck. We tucked in the ramp and pulled down the door and snapped the biggest freak’in pad lock I’ve ever seen on the lock. (can’t trust anybody, these days).

I was already thinking about how I was going to spend my share and Tommy couldn’t wait to cross the Mexican border where he could live out his life as a wealthy man. We got in the truck and high five’d each other. It was a good night’s work.

We barely got the truck in gear, when we noticed the flashing lights. Six police cars had surrounded our truck and the officers jumped from their vehicles with guns drawn. The officers quickly pulled us out of the truck and soon had us in handcuffs and sitting on the sidewalk. The sergeant walked up and patted Tommy on the back saying “Thanks Tommy, we have been looking to bust this robbery ring for over a year now, but these guys were very careful not to make any mistakes. But you, my friend, on the other hand; have been very easy to find. We have been following your movements for months, and now we can roll up all your business associates in one fell swoop.

I just sat there with a look of disgust on my face….but if I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times: “Crime Don’t Pay”

P.I.B.

IDENTITY THEFT

IDENTITY THEFT

To start with, when you are an Italian boy from New Jersey, the concept of theft is not foreign to you. In my life, I have witnessed and been the victim of many types of theft. I hate to admit it, but when I was a kid I actually stole a pack of baseball cards from a small store. Of course when my dad found out the same day, I was back in the store with a full apology, the money for the cards, and a very sore backside. I learned a painful lesson early on.. “crime doesn’t pay”

In general, theft seems more rampant today, then it did when I was a kid. Back then it seemed real theft or, grand theft, was reserved for the pros, the mob, and the gangs. Today, theft is rampant in all socio-economic sectors of our society. Some do it for the money, some for the thrill, and some to pay for drugs. (some do it for a living..even in politics) Anyway you look at it theft is wrong. It unjustly deprives someone of their rightful belongings.

There is petty theft, industrial theft, car theft, grand theft, home invasion, auto theft(over 1 million), and countless other injustices. One of the most common forms of theft today is identity theft (just look up theft in google and see what comes up). Authorities are calling it an epidemic, effecting over 10 million people a year, and the fastest growing crime in the country. It is white collar theft, for people who don’t want to break into houses, banks, and cars at night. There are even commercials on T.V., from companies whose sole business is protecting your identity. I guess you can never be too careful. I have locks on all my doors, an alarm system, I park my car in the garage, bought two Dobermans, and wear one of those steel chain deals on my wallet, and now… I have to worry about my identity being stolen ? Give me a break, What’s next?

Credit car theft seems to be one of the biggest targets in the identity theft game. I know its getting bad because every time I go to use my credit card they have to call the credit card company to grill me on the phone. Even my own mom makes me answer her three security questions before she will talk to me on the phone.

Wow…with everything I have to worry about, now I have to protect my identity. I’m not even sure why anyone would want to be me. That’s all I need right now, is a posse of counterfeit Poor Italian Boys out there. (pretenders..and wanta be P.I.B.’s) And why, its not very glamorous to be me. There are days where I’m not even sure I want to be me. I mean you would think they would want to steal the identity of some rich movie star.. Stealing my identity is like stealing a Volkswagon. I would think any decent criminal would want to steal an important guy’s identity. (so much for taste) Yet the guy on T.V. says to protect my identity, so I better take heed.

I’m no fool, now that I’ve been warned about this whole identity theft thing, I’ve taken some immediate precautions to make sure I don’t fall victim to it. For starters, I went out and bought a long hair wig, along with a pair of those fake glasses with the plastic nose attached. Next I decided to change my name from P.I.B. (Poor Italian Boy)..to P.I.B. (Poor Iraqi Boy)..that should throw those would be thieves a curve ball. To really throw them off their game…I’m thinking about using a fake British accent on the phone, so that the “evildoers” won’t be able to know its me..when they “ring me up on the tele”. I’ve even snapped one of those bullet proof master locks on my trash cans and mail box to make sure I’m not the victim of prying eyes and dumpster diving (ps…if you do this, remember to give the garbage man and mailman a key…I haven’t had any mail or garbage pick up in a month).

I’m also told I have to be careful when I’m using my computer on the internet. Savvy would be computer thieves are “phishing” to criminally acquire my sensitive information. If I catch them I will stick my “phsoot where the phsun don’t phsine ”.They will send you an official looking e-mail or form asking you for security purposes to verify your bank account or social security number.

I’m also wondering if I can turn the tables on these identity thieves (or: future America’s most wanted stars)…if they steal my identity, then can I forward all my collection, stockbroker, and donations calls, along with my gambling debts over to them also. You never know… They may end up wishing they were not me…

B.I.P. (that’s P.I.B. encrypted)