TELEPRESENCE

TELEPRESENCE
It seems that every year there are hundreds of new technology words added to the American lexicon. Some of them are a harbinger for new advancements that are destined to soon become household words. Some, just sound kind’a cool and catchy to me, like “Telepresence”. With advance in computers, chips, and robotics, things that seem impossible, or beyond the reach of the average Joe today, are often common place a mere 10 years from now.
Unless I’m wrong telepresence or virtual presence is the next big thing. Just as man once looked to the sky and wished he could fly, today’s dreamers think about instantly transporting our bodies to distant places. In my opinion there is a significant technology gap to cross before we can teleport ourselves to another place, but teleprense is already a reality. Hey, why resort to conventional travel or send your atoms floating across the world if you can be where you need to be using the telepresence concept.
Communications giant Cisco seems to have a big head start in this arena (see their web site at: http://cisco.com/?POSITION=SEM&COUNTRY_SITE=us&CAMPAIGN=HNE&CREATIVE=Travel+Less&REFERRING_SITE=Google&KEYWORD=cisco+telepresence
In fact, in the example I saw, they depicted a women working from her home office via large screen T.V.. At her office workplace many miles away, there was another large screen T.V. situated behind a reception area desk and the receptionist could interact with other workers and customers, just as if she were there. Check out a few sample videos at these links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcfNC_x0VvE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DXsocKcpN0
Originally conceived as a way to have meetings with counterparts in far off places, the technology is evolving to more practical uses. The social and economic implications are far reaching, and cost savings for businesses and individuals can be tremendous. Companies can have individual or group meetings with associates and customers globally, all without the ensuing cost and inconvenience of travel. A national company with hundreds of customer service branch offices can staff each one with less people and add few tele-screens, from the home office.
Imagine the upgrades to your quality of life if you could just flip on your camera and T.V. monitor from your home office each day instead of traveling to work. You could just sit behind your desk in your home office and interact with all your friends, customers, and business associates at work, just like you were sitting right there. Now, I’m not referring to one of those inexpensive video camera that transmits jerk video and mounts on top of your computer screen. This system is high definition, live time, picture and sound.
Newer versions of virtual presence under development would actually project a full sized 3-d , 360 degree image of a person right into the room with the others you are “communicating with”. They would feel like you were in the room with them, and you would be aware of not only the other person, but also the surrounding environment. Even in the early stages this complex system presents an image so real looking that it will have the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You could literally attend a meeting in San Diego in the morning, New York in the afternoon, and Paris in the evening; and still be home in time for your kid’s soccer game at 6pm.
I’m sure as the science behind this technology progresses and the retail price gets driven down, this could become a household appliance. I also see no reason to stop at using this great tool just for phone calls. I can see enterprising businessmen using the projection system for other profitable enterprises.
Can you imagine, surfing a virtual internet library of software for your new image generator. Peruse thru a large selection of pre-recorded material and select the data you are interested in. Next simply run your credit card and have instant access to the 3-D hologram of your choice. In seconds you could be having a face to face interaction with anyone from the president of the United States to the star of your favorite T.V. show. Talk about “Pay-for View”, this enterprise could be the next General Motors ( ok bad example).
Take that a step forward and imagine watching a new blockbuster movie, but this time on the outside of your television. How about having a nice visit with your daughter that is away at college in Hawaii. Of course it’s not as good as being there but it’s pretty close. Parents and relatives could also pre-record their images and thoughts on life, to be passed on to their children, who could view them in fond remembrance.
I’m so intrigued with this technology that I have been working on my own version at home. I’m thinking that I could better engage my readers if I could present my image as a hologram right in their homes, next to their computer screens. So, if you’d like the company of the “Poor Italian Boy” just click the link below and I’ll join you right at home or work. Please excuse my informal dress code, but it is kind’a short notice… (for the full P.I.B. sight and smell experience dice a few pieces of garlic first)
<<<>>
If my image doesn’t pop up in a few seconds..try clicking it again..
Ok, so just sit back and get ready to be astounded….

Ok…Close…we’ve got the body type zeroed in…..let me just adjust the link a little …ok: This should do it…
<<<>>

Getting closer….but I guess I need to do a little more work on this thing..
OK, maybe your spam filter blocked me out. ….I guess, maybe I’m a better writer than a hologram generating guy…you can’t have it all… Just try again in a few years and I bet we will get the chance to meet. Until then…….just stop by..I made extra sauce.
Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com
P.I.B.

THE BRAIN DRAIN

THE BRAIN DRAIN

Ok, before you move on to another page, this is not a Star Trek article. The big news is that Honda motors last week announced that they have developed a technology to detect thought patterns in the human brain and translate them to a robot. I’m not sure I see the correlation between car building and mind reading robots. Maybe one of the engineers tripped across the idea while he was trying to design a new hub cap. I can only guess that the guys in the car building department had a lot of free time on their hands. In any case this emerging technology has amazing long term potential.

The Honda press photo depicts a test subject sitting comfortably in a chair, garbed with what can only be described as a pasta strainer with a bunch of wires emanating from it. In any case, the company claims to be able to isolate and identify the brain impulses that we send to our limbs in order to make them move. By feeding this information to Asimo, the Honda robot, it can emulate four basic movements from the motions that the subject’s brain (a.k.a. Ginny pig) is transmitting. This new technology could represent an entirely new way for humans to interface with everything from computers to appliances.

I’m thinking that maybe Honda has some master plan to use this new technology to help them sell more cars. Maybe the driver could wear one of these hair dryer looking gimmicks and just mentally steer the car down the road. Of course, I’m not sure what would happen if you started thinking about hockey.

As a little background, Honda is an innovative and well run company that is branching out into jet airplanes and other technologies to round out their portfolio and lessen their reliance on car building. These guys are major players in everything from lawn mowers to motorcycles. They make a wide range of products from marine engines to ATV’s, all while U.S. car companies are busy building yesterdays cars.

In my mind this recent development has dangerous and far reaching implications, into the whole man vs. robot relationship (and you would already know this if you had my brain hooked up to one of those high tech brain sucking colanders). The possibilities are endless, in fact, I’m wondering if I concentrated real hard, if I could possibly get the robot to do the Macarena.

I mean, what if in the future we could be subjected to involuntary brain scanning and draining. It could potentially be used by the government, police, and even jealous wife’s and girl friends. ( I swear, that was my lipstick you found in the car) I’m also wondering if they could use any of this ill gotten information against me in a court of law. Being Italian, I’m already starting to think of ways to beat this new system. I just hope this contraption isn’t half brain scanner and half lie detector, which would be the last thing I need. I’m even wondering if I could throw it off course by just sitting there and thinking about baseball.

I don’t want you to think I have anything to hide (since the conviction, I mean) and I certainly don’t want to come off as being paranoid or skitzo here but , I’m not sure we should let this device fall into the wrong hands. The more I think about it, if this gadget can read my mind and interrupt my thoughts, maybe somebody can just flip a switch and throw that sucker in reverse and download their own thoughts right into my own noggin. ( I worry about stuff like this)

This new brain scan technology is in the very early stages right now, but unless I’m wrong it has huge profit potential and I want to buy in now, before the price goes up. My plan would be to get in on the ground floor before they end up going the multilevel marketing route, or being sale item of the week at Walmart.

Not to be short sighted, I also gave some thought as to how this new technology could help man- kind, especially “me- kind”. I’m thinking if I got U.S. import rights, I’d have to mass produce those bad boys to make them affordable to the average Joe. I could roll those brain drainers out nationally and get filthy rich. My plan would be to get the price down to 3 payments of $19.95 and then I could hawk them on my own infomercial with the Sham-Wow guy as my spokesmen. (robot and extension cord not included)

I guess this all goes to show that by building on newer and newer technologies, we can accomplish some amazing things. No to take anything away from the Japanese but something tells me that they may have stolen this technology from my father. Years ago my dad had already mastered the task of sitting in a chair and by merely thinking about something, it would get done. He called it “having kids”.

I wonder if I can teach that robot to cook Italian food….

Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalainboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.

THE FUTURE OF COMPUTING

THE FUTURE OF COMPUTING

I’m not exactly sure when the first computer was actually developed, but early computers were large and not very efficient. The first purely electronic digital computers surfaced around 1946. The cost and expertise required to use them, put them well out of the hands of the average homeowner. Over time the components were made smaller and much more powerful. More modern computers began processing increased amounts of data in a fraction of the time of their older counterparts. The first personal computers became popular in the mid ‘70’s with models like the Altair 8800 and were not much more than desk calculators on steroids

Room sized computers were reduced to the size of a desk and went from there onto the desk, and now are laptops. Chips, memory, and storage devices have all made quantum leaps in technology. Without these technological leaps computers would not be the tools they are today (and gamers would be left with nothing to do).My question: Where does this all lead us to? Our hunger for faster and more powerful machines seems unquenchable.

Ongoing computers development is on a path that will insure that they get increasingly faster and more powerful. New software helps us to interface with these computers in previously un-imagined ways. Today, we have voice recognition, optical, and wireless input devices, along with the ability to down load to various hand held devices. With the advent of the internet, computers can share information (and we can buy a bunch of junk on e-bay), and more importantly “network”.

If we look at the rapid advancement of computers in the last 50 years alone, the progress has been nothing less than amazing. Today’s computers already process information at speeds no human can match, however they lack human logic, thought, and the reasoning ability of the human brain. (they also don’t call in sick or have senior moments). We are already dependent on computers in the home and work place ( ever been in a bank or retail store when the computers stop working... it’s chaos.), and in the military (the newest high tech jets require computers making thousands of minute course corrections, just to keep them in the air.)

It’s not hard to foresee the advances already under development and that are possible in the next 50 years. Moore’s law has been fairly accurate up to now, which basically says that computing ability is likely to double every two years. Following that trend and then adding in a few new break thru technologies, and the sky is the limit. The next generation of computers may be able to apply stored data, seek new input and make decisions, not unlike the reasoning of humans. Some sources estimate that by the year 2029 a desk top computer may have the processing power of the human brain.( even sooner if we continue to avoid using our brains) It is also surmised that future computers may reach a level of artificial intelligence by 2045 that will be capable of “unsupervised learning”. From there computers could design new computers (and soon their will be the sound of little keyboards around the house). Some forward thinkers even see a direct interface with the human brain as being possible. Couple these advances with progress in robotics and we could create intelligent robots. Honda has already matured their prototype robot to be able to walk and avoid obstacles.

I don’t think there is any doubt that future computers will rival and exceed the capabilities of the human brain. But, can they reach the level of independent thought, and if so, what are the consequences? What will be the role of these “super computers” in our society, and what will be the role of the humans, once we are no longer the most intelligent life forms on the planet ? ( we are, aren’t we? ) Have we opened a Pandora’s box? Does this new level of technology elevate us to an even higher level of existence, with our machines and computers serving us; or could we end up serving them? Worse yet, could we go the way of the dinosaurs? Just to be on the safe side, I’m going out for a few beers and making friends with my Dell desk top right away. I don’t want to end up answering to some high end “x-box” boss in the future.
P.I.B.

Feel free to contact me at pooritalianboy@gmail.com

GO NUKE

GO NUKE

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of our country being dependent on foreign sources for oil and energy. I guess it’s largely our own fault, mainly because of our hundred year romance with the internal combustion engine. Four cylinder, 6 cylinder, 8 or 12, gas or diesel, they all burn a petroleum based fuel.

I guess I wouldn’t feel as strongly about this, if I felt we did not have an alternative, but we do. Auto makers are only recently beginning to produce cars driven by battery, plant based fuels, synthetic fuel, and now hydrogen. We have the technology; we just haven’t been willing to pay the price.

As strange as it may seem, at least one automaker, had their design team working on an alternative as early as 1958. It was an exciting time as commercial engineers raced to harness the incredible power and energy of the nuclear reaction, that had already been weaponized a few years earlier. Ford motor company had design plans for the first nuclear propelled car, the Ford Nucleon. It looked like a futuristic cross between a space ship and the Bat mobile, with the power source in the rear, nestled between out swept wings. The designers envisioned a passenger automobile based on the same, then emerging technology, that powered the first nuclear submarine, just a smaller version. It was a brave new world, and the genie had been let out of the bottle. Nuclear power was here to stay, and big corporations and manufactures were all too happy to jump on the band wagon and capitalize of this revolutionary and seemingly limitless source of power.

The nuclear core would fuel the car for approximately 5,000 miles of use and then simply be exchanged for a new one, at a type of high tech gas station. (sign reads: Tires, repairs, convenience items, and Nuclear Core replacements)

When they first came out in very limited quantities they were very expensive. Well my Dad, being the techie that he was back then, just had to have one, so he put a second mortgage on the house and plunked down the cash at the local Ford dealer, making him one of the first to own the new technology. I guess he was some what of a visionary back then because he knew that the price of gasoline probably would be heading north of .25 cents a gallon, sometime in the future and he’d have none of that nonsense. To be honest, I don’t think he ever really understood the dynamics that made the car go, but that sucker ran without making nay noise and had tons of wheel spinning horsepower. I think he was pulled over on the turnpike one day doing “Mach One”. In fact, I never got the chance to attend college because Dad is still making payments on the ticket and still trying to get the points off his license. (I think it was a $15.00 ticket plus one dollar for every mile per hour over 40.)

Well, that car took some getting used to, and caused quite a stir in the old neighborhood. Everyone else was driving early Chevy’s and Oldsmobile’s, but our car looked like something from “Back to the Future”. Dad, would take it out of the garage and wash it nearly every day just to show off to the neighbors. That old car took about 45 minutes to warm up and get the reaction going before you could take it out for a spin, making it impractical to use for a quick run down to the corner store for some milk. Dad being the eternal optimist(and cheap skate) that he was, would leave the car running all night long in the garage and figured out a way to hook the car’s jumper cables to our breaker box and we had all the free heat and electric we could use.

We all looked forward to the weekends because Dad would have the car fired up and ready to roll by 8am on Saturday morning. We’d all pile in the car and off we’d go. I think it gave Dad a certain sense of satisfaction as we’d pass gas station after gas station, as he’d count off the miles we had left until the car would need a fresh power source ( only 4,890 miles left before we have to stop he’d say).

Well I’m sad to say that we ended up selling that old car a few years latter because, (wonder what that sucker would be worth today) when it did come time to “fill ‘er up”, their wasn’t a nuclear equipped fill’in station in sight. By that time, Ford had abandoned the idea of mass producing the vehicle, because the United Auto Workers union in Detroit wanted “hazardous duty pay” for building them in addition to the 25 bucks a hour they were already getting. (I think Ford eventually diverted the balance of the car’s development funds to another promising new vehicle named the Ford Edsel) Also, a “refill” of the power source, would have required a team of scientists and a trip to Los Alamos. Besides, new research was suggesting that exposure to the radioactive materials that fueled the car might not be good for the passengers health. (Maybe we should have noticed the reddening of our skin and the radiation sickness). To help salvage part of the loss, I think Ford may have sold the patent, plans, and left over nuclear materials, to the North Koreans.(so that’s how they got started)

You know, maybe after all these years, its time to re-consider mass producing that car again. After all, times have changed, technology has changed and most of all, the price of fuel has gone up a little. (hey, I’d buy one) A model of the car, can still be seen in the Ford museum in Detroit.

P.I.B.

FLYING CAR

FLYING CAR

It’s long been the stuff of science fiction and futuristic dreams, but the flying car, is now a reality. In fact, even the Pentagon is working on their own version for military purposes (those guys could turn anything into a weapon). Their concept is to use the vehicle for scouting missions and then fly off into the sunset if the need occurs.

Aside from the military efforts, several private sector companies are also working feverishly on designing a working model flying car, for mass production. I’m having a little difficultly finding the need or potential market for one, except for the “WOW” ..look what I’ve got factor.

I’ve found over the years that most things that are designed to multi-task are normally not very good and any one function. So, in reality, we would probably end up with a lousy car, and an inefficient small plane. (oh, the insurance guys are going to love this one..The cavemen is set for life). Not only that, any teenager can drive, but flying ?.

<<>>
I fell asleep last night while trying to imagine myself 20 years into the future driving one of these gizmos. It was love at first sight, I wanted the 2 seater convertible model parked right next to the sign that said “GIVE FLIGHT TO YOU FANTASIES”. I had to be the first in my neighborhood to have one so I plunked down my 150 grand at the local dealer (Buy and Fly) for the stripped down version. (I did buy the optional low fuel alert system and doubled up on air bags) The salesmen takes me for a quick spin and flight and requires me to watch a 10 minute video on operations and flight safety, and then issues me a stamp on my license showing that I am now certified to operate a land/sky vehicle. Thanks to a loophole in the federal aviation laws,(lobbied for by makers of these dual use passenger cars) any vehicle under 150 horsepower, who’s main function is that of a terrestrial vehicle, does not need to comply with normal Federal Aviation laws.(not really, I just made that up..this is a dream sequence after all) He hands me a complementary pair of aviation sunglasses, a few bags of those airline peanuts, a pair of gold wings to pin on my shirt, and a small back pack parachute and sends me on my way. The next day I’m 15 minutes late and I need to get to work quickly. Traffic is a bear, and I’m laying on the horn, in bumper to bumper traffic. I take a quick glance down at the button on my dashboard that says “flight mode”. In frustration I push the button and my little sub compact car begins the transformation to “Super Cesna”. Before my very eyes, the wings fold out from under the chassis and a small propeller juts out the front of the bumper. The light turns green and I sound the aviation alarm to warn my fellow drivers that I am about to go airborne, and hit my directional signal (the “Up Arrow”) on my steering column. The little old lady in the big green Buick (yes, Buick is still around), shoots me the finger because my unfolding wing just put a three inch gash in the side of her car. I slowly gather speed as I taxi down the roadway, my wing tips plow down road signs, small trees, and a poor guy passing me on his motorcycle. But that doesn’t matter, nearly as much as the semi truck that seems to be in the way of my taxi runway. I pull back on the stick (or steering wheel as the case may be), with all my might, the nose of my craft, inches off the ground. At this point, I can read the fine print on the back of the 40 foot long trailer in front of me. My aerial proximity alarm is screaming in my ear. I put the pedal to the metal and just clear the back of the trailer as I make my assent. I exhale a sigh of relief as the vehicles below me now seem smaller. Now, this is what it’s all about, I’m flying, free as a bird, leaving all the traffic and earthly worries behind me. Free from the asphalt jungle below, I retract the tires, with the simple push of a button, and the transformation to a small plane is complete. A quick glance at my altimeter shows I’m cruising at 300 feet at 150 miles per hour. I kick in the cruise control and crank up my satellite radio. Suddenly, I’m stunned out of my blissful dream state, as my proximity alarm goes off again, this time with a deafening report. Bam, I’m thrown hard to the left as I feel an impact on my right side. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of green, as I’m loosing altitude, and the ground rushes towards me. I see the little old lady in the green Buick flying by, her head just barely clearing the steering wheel and completely oblivious to the fact that she just clipped off my right wing. I guess, even old ladies and bad drivers can buy these things also.

Even though I don’t see the market for this “Ca-plane” (I just coined that term), in all fairness I should really give the concept a thorough cerebral workout. On the positive side, traffic on our roads would decrease, but it would add a whole new dimension to the term fender bender. (as flying accidents tend to be among the types you don’t walk away from). Also, the flying car concept could be good for commerce, as new businesses sprout up(much like the motels of yester year did when automobiles became common) to cater to the airborne driver. Fast food places could hang your bag of food on a high pole, that you have to snag, as you fly by and more billboards would be painted on the tops of tall buildings.

I guess there are still a few bugs to work out, but maybe these hybrid “Aero-mobiles” ( I should copyright this term also), will become common place in the future. I don’t know about you, but I planning a wider garage for my next new house. Hey, they laughed at the Wright Brothers, you know.

P.I.B.

SMILE- YOUR ON CANDID CAMERA

SMILE- YOU’RE ON CANDID CAMERA

Its long been known that the government and more particularly the alphabet soup agencies (C.I.A, F.B.I., D.E.A and other assorted spooks) have had the use of advanced satellite picture technology, for some time now. Up until now it’s not been a hot topic of conversation, because quite frankly, the exact capabilities of the system, has been a matter of national security.

I don’t believe that many of our adversaries are still clueless about our ability to “zoom” in on their activities (that’s why many have resorted back to cave dwelling). We have aerial surveillance in the form of high flying aircraft, hand launched mini planes, and even pilot less drones. But the real workhorses are the new satellites in 24 hour geosynchronous orbit above the earth.

Most of this technology was developed by the government for military purposes, however they also rent time on a commercial satellites. Increasingly, the gap has been bridged to additional commercial use. (although, the government restricts the resolution and timeliness of the photo’s that can be used commercially). Most notable among these would be the GeoEye/Google earth satellite.

There are tons of legitimate uses for these hi-res pictures from space including mapping, exploration, storm tracking and research. We can measure ocean temperatures, crop growth, and even ice pack movements from space. The current resolution available for commercial use is 61 mm. Also, industry is prohibited from making recent or current photos available as well as photos of sensitive government and military areas, bases, etc. However the government user can purportedly zoom in to 10mm or less, making facial identification possible from the depth of space. Its said they can read a newspaper from orbit (might be cheaper to drop 50 cents in the newsbox) We’ve come a long way since the U-2 spy planes we once flew over Russia and the relatively crude photo intelligence available to us during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

My feeling is, like any great technology, this giant Kodak in the sky arrangement has the potential for misuse. It also seems like we always find a way to use new technology in some type of military application. As more and more government agencies get access to this technology I can see the IRS and local dog catcher getting in on the act. (Hey Mr, PoorItalianboy..we have irrefutable space photo evidence that your Doberman just took a dump on the city sidewalk. We are sending you a bill...Have a nice day).

Ok, I know you think I’m exaggerating, but where does this Peeping Tom stuff stop. Google Maps is also using this know how to add unprecedented detail to their road maps. They can layer road maps with satellite images and now add street level photos. I typed in my home address the other day and was able to zoom in on a rather current image of my own house. The image magnification and clarity was so advanced that I could not only see my garage door open, but also look inside. (so, if any of you readers wanted to see me pump’in out sets on my bowflex that is possible…its also know as an invasion of privacy). With the definition of: what a reasonable man would expect the general public not to see).

All kidding aside, I think we may be at the threshold of some major issues here. Has technology and the government’s need to know excerpted the citizen right for privacy ? Also, with this billion dollar technology available to the average Joe,(and the average Taliban Joe), at the click of a mouse, are we providing hi-tech intel and aid to those that might wish to harm us ? An even bigger question might be: “Just because we have a technology available to us, does that make its use moral, correct, or acceptable ?

My assumption would be that newer, more advanced and possibly more intrusive and invasive technologies are on the horizon. Does our very development of these new breakthroughs, authorize and condone our use of them ? If so, where do we stop ? To be honest with you, I thought our purpose for going into space was to look out, not to look in. Talk about the saying “ You can run, but you can’t hide”.
Smile, It’s a small world….. after all.

P.I.B.

THE INTERNET

THE INTERNET

WWW.Theinternet.pib …The Internet is such a powerful force in our lives that, even my word processor automatically highlighted, underlined, and created an internet link to ,the first few words of this article. I actually changed the ending from .com to .pib out of concern that if someone clicked on the link, it might take them to some exotic porn site that I had no intention of directing my fine readers to. ( I on the other hand.. ok, forget it).

In any case, ever since Al Gore (?) invented the internet, most likely as some type of research tool, the world wide web has grown in leaps and bounds. I’ve seen estimates of between 600 million and billion computers. The internet is such a powerful force in our lives that the lexicon has become part of everyday conversation.

There is so much information on the internet that I’m not sure we could even navigate it without the use of search engines like goggle, yahoo, etc. These powerful search and indexing tools instantly search thru millions of documents, photos, and images and return the results to us in only a few seconds. I’m always amazed that whatever search words (regardless of how unusual the request) I enter always return a substantial list for my review. The other day I tried to play “stump the internet”(to then tune of jeopardy music). I went directly to my favorite search engine and began typing in the most unusual and twisted combination of words I could think of (only a few of these are suitable for printing in the scope of this article). My list included bananas, hub caps, English saddles, baby bumpers, spatulas, bobby pins, chopsticks, engine mounts, and gefilte fish . Here are a few completely random search terms with the actual number of web sites returned.

Space Monkey 658,000 returns
Psychedelic experience 452,000 returns
6 legged animal 2,440,000 returns
Coffee enema 1,300,000 returns
Diamond rings no returns, no refunds…. (cauz diamonds are forever)

Is it just me, or have you noticed that you really can’t get any free information on the internet anymore. Every site you go to is really trying to sell you something. They want you to become a member, give them your credit card number, or go to their on line store. Worse yet, every site wants you to “register”. I brought up the weather site today to see if was going to rain and they wanted me to create a user name and secret 12 digit password..(see my article on passwords). Come on now, is the frik’in weather forecast such highly classified information that I have to create a secret password to even see it. (give me a break)

Another thing that pisses me off is “pop up ads”. I’m in a rush, and I want to check what’s playing at the movies, so I type in the movie site and the next thing I know a big pop up ad, for Dial Soap pops up. I don’t want soap, I just want to know when Rambo starts. Every time I move my cursor, the darn thing starts moving around then screen so that I can’t see any of the page. The pop up is playing hide and seek with me, so I hit the down arrow and the obstruction moves down with the whole page. Talk about killing my ego. Now, I’m trying to out smart a floating bar of soap. Some of the pop ups have deceptive ways to lure you to their respective websites, like put the cross hairs on the jumping monkey (who can resist that one), or the seemingly realistic “x” box, that you click on to close the pop up window, but it actually brings you to their website (www.don’t youfeellike a jackassnow.com)

I guess all these interruptions to my web surfing are just part of the price I have to pay to use the internet. But the one I probably hate the most is when I go to a site (lets say an educational site, for the purpose of this article) and I get sucked into this endless loop of undesirable web sites. Its like the voice mail loops on the phone, once you enter, you can’t get out. I frantically hit the back arrow and refresh buttons, the close screen button, the delete button and various but useless clicks on the mouse, but I only get tangled even deeper into the web (ahh..dual meaning)

I can remember when getting a virus, required a trip to the doctor. Today, if you get a virus, its probably on your computer. My computer guy tells me that the minute you first connect to the internet you will probably catch a virus. As if my life is not complicated enough, now I have to have protection before I touch my keyboard, (I’ve gone to wearing latex gloves) or I have to abstain from web surfing. (I’m not good at self-denial type things). I try to be a cautious and responsible internet user, I even have a condom over my cable connection. (or I use the timing method) But seriously, I don’t get it, what’s the purpose of some jackass creating a virus. I mean, what kind of sick bastard sits up all night writing code that goes out and cripples millions of people’s hard drives. I’m not much into conspiracy theories, but who can possibly benefit from it except the guys that sell the anti-virus software ? Talk about a communicable disease? I guess if you think about it, once you connect to the internet you can catch anything that about 4 billion other computers have. It’s kind of like a STD for your computer. (good thing I’m a loyal,one computer, kind of guy)

The internet also, somehow helps satisfy man’s need to be interconnected with the rest of his world. This need is manifest in web sites such as U-Tube, My Space, and many of the blog sites. Hey, I’ve written over 80 blog articles and I’m not even sure who reads them,(except for the complaint mail) however it helps fulfill my desire to reach out and communicate (although I would prefer to just sell you some useless gimmicks and fleece your bank account) The world wide web is also a great tool for commerce, communication, research and disseminating information in general. Although the internet has many positive uses it also can serve as a tremendous drain on productivity in the workforce. Many experts point out that productivity in the American work force has been reduced by at least 10% as internet savvy workers spend an increasing amount of non work related time surfing the web. A causal observation around the average office will reveal many workers at their desks, checking the news, paying bills, checking the weather or their private e-mail accounts, listening to internet radio or viewing streaming video.

Anyway, I love the internet and I hope it stays around for a long time. After all, if it weren’t for the internet, you probably wouldn’t be reading my article now (unless you wanted to send me $19.95 plus shipping and handling, that is.(ya tight wad)

P.I.B

CELL PHONES

CELL PHONES

I got a new cell phone this week. For some reason or the other, It seems like I have to switch phones every six months or so. I just started getting used to the last one, and now I have to figure out this new one.

Is it just me or do today’s phones have just too many features? After all, its just a phone , right ? At the very least, all I should have to know is, where the hell are the red and green buttons. It seems like you have to be an engineering genius, or an 11 year old kid to figure out how to work these darn things. Hmm…(maybe I should just get the Jitterbug)

I turned on my new phone for the first time the other day, and immediately heard the national anthem. It turns out I missed the call.. while standing there with my right hand over my heart. A few minutes latter the phone rang again, and I swear I pushed every button on that sucker trying to retrieve the call. It turns out I sent 2 text messages, deleted a voice mail, ordered a pizza, and took 3 pictures of my feet, in the process.

My new phone is more like a mini computer than a phone. I can play games, view videos, listen to music, jump on the internet for a stock quote, or even get verbal GPS directions to the local I- HOP. Not only that, there is a whole new lexicon you have to know when you acquire one of these phones. There are Function keys, and contact lists, messages boxes, web browsers, caller I.D. and speed dial lists….not to mention “rollover minutes”

Have you noticed that they keep making these darn things smaller and smaller. I find myself see-sawing this thing back and forth from my mouth when I need to talk, and then back to my ear to listen… its getting hard to do both at the same time, unless you want to put it on speaker so that the rest of the world can hear your private conversation.

Phones just used to ring, and then you would answer them. Today phones have ring tones, and that can be anything from some weird synthesized sounds to the theme music from star wars. I hate it when I’m having dinner at a restaurant and the guy next to me sounds like he’s playing the starting music from the Kentucky Derby. You can even customize your ring tone to each caller. When my mother-in law calls my phone plays “who let the Dogs Out”. My favorite setting is to put the phone on Vibrate…I get a kick out of watching that sucker light up and walk across the table.

I’m also thinking about suing my cell phone company because I think I have developed carpel tunnel in my thumbs from sending text messages. People pass me going down the road, and I have the steering wheel propped up between my knees, and my thumbs are going to town like a fiddler crab with Parkinson’s dieses. Hey, and that’s not to mention the effect of the radio waves on our bodies. Most people are worried about the effect it will have on the tissues in the brain. I carry mine in my front pants pocket…what about them tissues ?

I also like the built in camera. People are always sending me pictures and video’s. The down side is that I hit download and all of a sudden I have some embarrassing video playing on full speaker when I’m in a crowed room. But my favorite is the “Blue Tooth accessory”…I walk by people that appear to be talking to themselves, only to find that they are actually on the phone. All in all, I guess I like my new phone. I mean, really, who am I, to stand in the way of technology.

Anyway….feel free to give me a call (but only if you are in my “Circle of Friends”)

P.I.B.

CREATURE COMFORTS

CREATURE COMFORTS

I’d like to tell you that I’m as tough as they come. I can survive out in the woods in sub zero temperatures with only a pen knife, a pair of gym shorts, and half a stick of beef jerky. I eat raw steel for dinner and spit out nails in the morning. But the truth of the matter is, I enjoy my creature comforts.

Maybe I’m spoiled but, all that Spartan stuff is just not for me. After all this is 2008, why should I live like I’m back in the stone age. I’m all for every technology and advancement that make my life easier. I have no great desire to wash my clothes on a rock in a stream, haul water from a well, and I sure as hell will never give up indoor plumbing.

Sure, a fell’a could get by without some of the creature comforts, but why would anyone want to ? As far as I’m concerned the invention of the dishwasher, T.V. flipper, cruise control, my blackberry, and indoor air condition are among the greatest inventions of the last century.(right up there with nuclear power and manned space flight).

I’m not saying I couldn’t live without my I-pod, crushed ice, intermittent windshield wipers, electric tooth brush, nose hair trimmer, tanning beds, and satellite radio, but after all, what are we Barbarians ? Listen, if you never had these little conveniences, you might never miss ‘em, but once you’ve used them, they are a must have. Maybe we Americans are a little spoiled, but the way I figure it, we deserve it.

Just think, it wasn’t that long ago, and there were no cell phones, personal computers, microwaves, GPS systems, instant messaging, or e-mail. We somehow got by without, palm pilots, pointer pens, pepper grinders, VCR’s, American Express (don’t leave home without it),and flat screen T.V.’s Wow, talk about roughing it , we might as well have chiseled our letters into stone tablets and run around naked (hey..theres an idea). It also makes me wonder how did we survive without Pay Pal, My Space, Fax machines, or You-Tube?

I’m not even that old and I can remember some pretty archaic substitutes for today’s little luxuries. For instance, I can remember, 8 track stereo’s, cassette players, buggy whips (ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration), rotary dial phones, personal pagers (boy they didn’t last long) and car windows you actually had to roll up by hand.

The funny thing is, with the staggering rate of new technological advances, in 5 years, we will be laughing at half of the state of the art gadgets that we are so enamored with, that are just surfacing now. Who knows what the future will bring, but I’ll tell you one thing, I love new gadgets and, I’ll be the first one to buy that new food synthesizer or rocket car.

I wish I would have been smart enough to be one of the first investors in emerging technologies. Life could have been different for me if I had bought Yahoo stock when it first came out. Who would have guessed that every 10 year old would be walking around with a cell phone, sending text messages, and down loading songs from the internet. The old marketing slogan was “Find a need and fill it”, now its “Create a need, then fill it” .

I’d like to think I could still do without some of these creature comforts, but I think it may be harder to give them up than to never had had them in the first place. I mean, back when we were all sleeping on a rock, I’m not sure we found ourselves wishing for a select comfort bed, with 22 comfort settings. Also, it would be hard to imagine just turning up a thermostat, instead of going out a chopping down some more fire wood.

Some people worry that we will make it too easy on ourselves and get soft. Got news for ya buddy, we are all healthier and better off than ever. The time and energy we save skinning our own food, and sharpening pieces of flint into arrowheads, can now be used for more productive things like watching M.T.V and sitting in Yoga classes.

Come to think of it, I should find a way to profit from people’s insatiable appetite for newer and better conveniences and comfort items. Perhaps I could get ahead of the curve and patent some “can’t do without” creature comfort items of the future. How about:

Instant Beer Freezing Cups…just put a warm beer in the holder and presto…ice cold

Talking Alarm Clocks: that gently put you to sleep with a soothing story and wake you up,
just LIKE mom used to.

Auto Pilot for Your Car….driving is hard work…with my device ..”just, set it and forget it”

Self Scanning Shopping Carts…as you throw each item in, a voice announces it, along
with the price and sub total…we would also offer a variable setting to scold you, if you
purchased high calorie items, or too many desert items.

New Internet Site: Your image, professionally filmed in Dolby sound and living 3-d…No
need to go to those boring weddings, family reunions, blind dates, college classes, or
kids sporting events. Just direct your internet browser to : www.Its just me in 3-d.com

Well anyway, you get the picture. Life is hard enough, we might as well take a few short cuts. Doing less thru technology, is the business of the future. I think I will devote the rest of my life to the noble cause of doing less, and with all the time I save….I can…..”do less” ?

P.I.B.

CELLPHONES

CELL PHONE

What would I do without my cell phone ? The cell phone is my constant companion, it is always by my side, and I never leave home without it. Why, you ask…simple…I need to be constantly in touch, available, on call, responsible, reachable, on hand, and accessible. If not, I might “miss”a call.

I would hate to miss a call, drop a call, or not be able to make a call. I won’t even go out to dinner in an area where there is insufficient cell coverage. I don’t remember how I survived before the cell phone. My cell phone even signals me if someone is trying to reach me, while I am already talking to someone else. Now I can quickly “finish up” or hang up, with one person and immediately “toggle” over to the incoming call. If for some reason I can not quickly switch over to the incoming call, no problemo…my phone will automatically play my pre-recorded massage informing caller #2 that I am in fact already on the phone, or have stepped away from it, ever so briefly. In my most apologetic voice I also assure them that their call is important and I will return their call promptly.

My phone also stores the names and numbers of everyone I may have occasion to ever call, thereby serving the duel purpose of me speed dialing them, and also announcing the fact that they are placing an inbound call to me. I can text message,(although I think I’m getting a carpal tunnel injury in my knuckles) walkie talkie, and keep in touch with “my circle of friends”. My phone allows me to “stay connected”.

My phone also allows me to be “productive” while driving my car, jogging, or attending a friends wedding or funeral. With the new small size and portability of my cell phone I can take it with me on vacations, and family get togethers. Now business associates, customers, vendors, suppliers, stock brokers, and even prank callers can reach me 24/7, no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I’ve even ordered the new optional “nocturnal alert system”, that gently rocks me awake, so that I don’t miss a call while asleep. Now that is technology.

I love the fact that the new cell phones allow me to have 400 different and sometimes annoying ring tones. I can even set it up to ring with a different custom tone for everyone I know. I now can answer to anything from a basketball buzzer to Mozart. Forget the fact that I may be aggravating everyone else trying to have a quiet dinner, I feel a need to hear “stairway to heaven” when my golfing buddies call.

As far as I’m concerned we’ve come a long way from Rita the operator having to plug our incoming call into a switch board, or having to stand around within 3 feet of the fixed family rotary dial phone with its curly-Q cord, in the kitchen. The newest cell phones are getting smaller and more powerful. One of my favorite new gimmicks is the blue tooth head phone, that inserts in my ear. Now, in addition to looking like a character from Star Trek, I can answer my cell phone calls without even taking the phone off my hip. I can walk around aimlessly in circles, with a far off look in my eye, apparently talking to myself. People passing by never really know if I’m addressing them, or if I’m just delusional and having a conversation with myself.

Technology marches on and my cell phone gets better and better. Now I can play music, watch video’s,check my appointment calendar, read the newspaper, get the latest sport’s scores and even surf the internet…all while talking on the phone and..get this.. driving..Talk about multi-tasking, all I need is to be able to monitor my own vital signs, teleport myself, and meet eligible singles in my area, and my cell phone experience will be complete.

Can you hear me now?

P.I.B.

HI-TECH

HI-TECH

Very few young people today can remember the latest technology of my childhood. How about rotary dial phones, that you could not walk around the house with, roll up windows in a car that you actually had to hand crank, television with only a few channels that went to black after 11 pm. How about buggy whips (ok..so I’m exaggerating a little), Not to mention calculators the size of a shoe box, early computers the size of large rooms, and cars (ok, I have to admit the cars were better built back then).

You get my point, the advances we have made in technology within the last 50 years, are nothing short of amazing. What’s more astounding is our technology is evolving geometric multiples with every passing year. We are (I’m not really sure who the “we” is), compounding the growth by building the new advances on every more powerful recent technology.(it’s similar to the double the penny every day, kinda math) Have you ever stopped to consider where this progression will bring us in the next 20 years. An even more important question might be, is that where we want to go. Do we aspire to the God complex ? Are we on the verge of making or discovering frightening new advances. Will we have the wisdom to use or in some cases not use, what we may discover.

Don’t forget, many of today’s advances are a result of research in the space and military fields. The race to split the atom and the ensuing use of that technology was not driven by peaceful motives. Many countries are working on newer and more destructive weapons, not to mention chemical and biological variants. Bigger bombs, smaller booms, more effective weapons, satellite and space based weapons. Weapons that look and work like video games, that make killing as easy as pushing a button. (while some guy is probably sitting in a recliner having a nice hot cup of coffee…)

Researchers are working on stem cells, generic alterations, cloning, and more. These new fields can potentially do much good, in medicine, health care, and feeding the world. Will we have the wisdom to use the knowledge we gain. And possibly more important, will we know where to draw the line and where not to go with our research. ( I could use a clone of myself…one of us could work and the other sit out by the pool )

Today’s computers are driving much of our new advances. Powerful machines that can perform millions of calculations in an instant. As researchers continue to double the speed and capacity of these marvels, how long will it be before they mimic, or easily exceed, the capacities and perhaps even the logic of the human brain. What implication will that have on our society. The guys at Intel are miniaturizing and adding increasingly more transistors and processing power on each chip. As evidenced by Moore’s law, which, in its modern interpretation, states that the number of transistors in an integrated circuit doubles every two years. I heard just the other day that research is being done to implant human brain tissue right on to silicone chips and have it interact with the circuitry of the computer chip.(I hope we can always pull the plug, when we need to).

With all that being said, I embrace all the new technology. I’m happy that my loved ones, can live longer, eat better, and have healthier lives. I know my life is far better because of the Ipod, T.V. channel flipper, duct tape, and the Poppel pocket fisherman. I’d find it hard to live without my microwave, cell phone, and garage door opener. I only hope that the inventors and keepers of our new technology have the wisdom and foresight to use it wisely, and to possibly realize that there are some things better left alone.

Hey what do I know…I’m still trying to figure out how to use my VCR and what that funny flag key on my keyboard really does.

Until Latter
P.I.B