CREDIT CRUNCH

CREDIT CRUNCH
I don’t know too many people that are not affected by the current economic downturn and ensuing credit crunch. Recent data released by the government suggests that up to 630,000 people per week are loosing their jobs. With Huge American icons like GM and Chrysler heading for bankruptcy, how can the average guy hope to get thru this thing un-scathed.? ( unless we each get a miniature bail out package like the big boys get)

With hundreds of thousand of layoffs, we are also suffering from a liquidity crisis caused mainly ( in my humble opinion) by greedy bankers. In any case, the average Joe (and even the above average Joesph) is finding himself in a very tight cash flow position (also known as: being broke),

Many people are running up their credit card balances to help buy the things they need and might ordinarily pay cash for. (by the way the credit card companies have seized this opportune moment to jack up the interest rates on your old gold card,)

To be honest, I have found myself also caught up in the current recession (code word for all out depression). My real estate holdings have suffered as well as my stock portfolio, gas and oil leases, fine art collection and international holdings (ok..may a little bit of hyperbole here). In any case, I’ve decided that I’m just not going to take this whole thing lying down.

I’ve always heard that there are often hidden opportunities brought about by adversity. So after studying the current marketplace, I think I’ve latched onto a much needed service. With everyone having severe declines in their personal income, it seems that most people are getting more than their share of collection calls from credit card companies, lawyers, and other agencies. Let’s face it, no one wants the embarrassment and inconvenience of having to deal with ugly collection calls. So, after some careful thought I’ve started my own new company: “Credit Advisory Services”.

For only $9.95 a month (for pg 13 rated services…”R” rated services run $12.95 per month. By the way, its payable in advance because we already know you can’t pay your bills) you can forward all of your harassing and annoying collection calls directly to my trained credit advisors. When you receive an unwanted collection call simply hit “star/pound” on your phone and the call instantly gets transferred to my secure lines at “CAS Central”.(located in a hidden bunker in Pakistan) Our personnel are trained to handle all types of collection related calls from credit card companies, doctor offices, utilities companies, gambling debts, and banks (our special dodging the IRS plan only available to our Platinum level customers for just $897.95/month)

We use pre-scripted answers, hi-decibel sirens, annoying fax machine sounds and even a recording of a baby crying to disorientate your creditors. Just call our toll free number and I’ll send you, absolutely free, a C.D. with some of our best anti-bill collector banter. You’ll enjoy the timeless favorites, from our creditor’s collection like:

Thanks for your call but our client is on vacation in Hawaii, and has no intention of paying you

Don’t take this the wrong way but you are just wasting your time

Our automated answering system is happy to talk to your automated calling system, while our client is enjoying all the stuff he bought while using your credit card. (Thanks for the generous $15,000 limit)

Don’t blame our client. You are the idiots that gave him all that credit

Might as well quit calling, It’s not our debt, and frankly, we don’t give a damn

Congratulations you reached our payment processing hot line. Please press “3” to get your payment processed immediately and it will be on it’s way to you by overnight express mail. Now ..press “4” if you really believed that line about getting paid…WHAT A LOOSER.

Thanks for calling…one of our specialists will be right with you…..You are currently number 996,223 in line, we will be with you sometime before your retirement.

All of our consultants are busy right now..please relax and listen to an endless loop of Barry Manalov music until we get around to your call.

Sorry we missed you…Please leave a short message that we in turn promise to never listen to.

Thanks for calling “CAS”. All lines are busy right now, so we are forwarding your call to the local Jehovah Witness Hotline…..Enjoy……


So, remember, if this economic situation has you down and you want to avoid hungry creditors, join thousands of other satisfied customers and call Credit Advisory Services today at 1-800- GetLost.

Please feel free to contact me at: pooritalianboy@gmail.com

P.I.B.

INSURANCE COMPANIES

INSURANCE COMPANIES

I’ve already told you, I’m a born in the wool capitalist. That means I think that given a free market system most things will tend to work out based on supply and demand. I also think that the “P” word …“profit” is not a bad word. People and businesses that work hard and provide a valuable product or service deserve to make a profit.

Ok, so if that’s the way I feel, then why do I get all flapped up about insurance companies ? Simple, it’s one of the few products or service that we as consumers pay for, and then get punished if we use the very product that we purchased. I think Americans might just be over insured. We buy insurance for auto, health, dental, life, boat, motorcycle, home owner, business interruption, errors and omissions, flood, collision, property casualty, uninsured motorist, and inland marine.

Let me explain: you buy a car insurance policy that will cover you damages in the event that you are involved in an accident. Well, you faithfully make your premium payments for months or perhaps years and the unexpected happens, you are involved in an accident.

Ok, so…you call in your claim, and the insurance company steps forward and pays it (actually they drag the damn thing out for 6 months and then pay only a portion.) They often will send out an “adjuster” (I promise I’m not making this up, check out the definition of adjust in the dictionary) to change (something) so that it fits, corresponds, or conforms; adapt; accommodate: to adjust expenses to income… Anyway he basically adjusts the claim to what they want to pay…

In any case, when renewal time rolls around you find yourself canceled or at the very best with a large rate increase. (reason: you collected on the policy that you bought and paid for, and now you must be punished)

Oh, insurance companies will cry and complain that their profits are under pressure (they learned this from bankers), yet ..if you look up in any large city, the biggest buildings are owned by banks and insurance companies (actually, the banks have their names on the buildings but they are owned by the insurance companies). Yes, those very same fella’s that are for ever whining about their rates and profits.

I tell ya one thing for sure. The insurance companies have hired themselves the finest lawyers that money can buy. If you doubt that for even one second, just read thru the fine print on any insurance policy. They list of exceptions and exclusions (read that: reasons you won’t get paid) will amaze you. You will soon be wondering, what if anything does this darn policy actually cover ? Just count the amount of “ifs”, “how-evers”, “forever forths”, acts of God,and “buts” you find in your contract.

I’m wondering what life would be like if other businesses started to use the same kind of contracts and set of “exclusions” as the real pro’s, the insurance companies use.

THE RESTAURANT: For starters, they would have a one page menu, followed by 25 pages of legal
jargon. Also, they would make you take a physical before you ate so that they
could document the fact that you were already a fat bastard with high
cholesterol before you choked down their slop. Hey…I just want’a to know, how
much the darn biscuits and gravy are, after all deductibles and co-pays.

The GAS STATION: Please insert your credit card to start the transaction. Thank you, now please insert your right index finger for fingerprint I.D. and blood test. Thank you, please blow into the sanitized straw, so that we can check your blood alcohol levels. Almost done, now please bend over and grab your ankles….( sound familiar insurance fans ?)

The NEW CAR DEALERSHIP: Due to matters beyond our control and other acts of god, you must sign our waiver of liability before walking on our lot. Also, we have included a “ryder” and ancillary stipulations that insure that you must test drive and purchase a car before you leave the lot. All vehicles are sold where is an as is (ok, that is a real car lot line), and become the full responsibility and liability of the purchaser upon crossing our lot line.

Ok, you get the drift. Insurance companies are in the risk business. The better they are at assessing the risk, managing the risk, avoiding the risk, and pooling the risk, the more money they are going to make. Their analysts and researchers have charts and tables based on historical claims and payments. They know the odds of getting in an accident in a red car compared to a white car. They know the average life span of a male smoker weighing 156 pounds and a women non smoker weighing in at 110 pounds. And they know the risks associated with skydiving as opposed to kite flying.

For the most part, I spend too much money on insurance and I’m probably over insured. I often wondered if I could have just kept all that premium money if I would have been better off.

P.I.B.

IT'S "NOT" A RECESSION ?

IT’S “NOT” A RECESSION ?

OK, all right all ready, it’s not a recession. At least that’s what the politicians want me to believe. Forget about what you see and hear, things are fine. People out of work?, They are probably just lazy. The price of gasoline over four dollars a gallon, its just supply and demand at work. Your house has lost 50% of its value…that’s what is known as a correction.

Things are fine, its just a cycle, most areas of the country are fine, nothing to worry about…bullshit.. People are hurting, people are losing their jobs, their homes, and their ability to borrow money. We are in a recession and it wouldn’t take much to have us heading towards a depression.

Come on, open up your eyes. Real estate is in the shitter, mortgage defaults are at a record high, and many workers have been let go, or had their hours and income severely cut back. In the meantime, food prices and other essential commodities continue to rise in price due to inflation and strong international demand. Yes, we are part of a world market, and many developing countries are booming, and their insatiable demand is driving up the price of everything from steel to oil.

We had better own up to the current economic situation and start working our way out of it, but quick. Congress passed an economic stimulus package, giving taxpayers back a few hundred dollars of the own money, in hopes that everyone would go out and buy something, thereby stimulating the economy. Good thought, but the few hundred bucks was like a fart in a wind storm.

We need to cut the price of fuel, which is driving up the cost of most other commodities in the form of higher trucking and transportation costs, not to mention punishing the average Joe at the gas station, a few times a week. I see people at the gas station putting in $5 and $10 worth of fuel, when it takes $60 to $100 to fill up most cars and trucks. Ten dollars worth is about enough to drive back home and return to the gas station again. How, about taking off all the road use taxes imposed on each gallon of gasoline for starters. (wow….don’t I know anything….how will the government recover those lost revenues….how about tightening your darn belt and making due with what you’ve got, like the rest of us)

We need to place tax incentives on the buying and selling of a primary residences( notice, I said primary residence. your home…not an investment property). Once we move thru the current inventory of real estate on the market we can start building and moving forward again. Also, we need to reduce or curtail foreign aid for a while. Hey, a lot of Americans could use some “foreign aide” right now. Let’s start our giving, a little closer to home, until we get things back on track.

I understand that the economy may move in 7 year cycles, but people need to eat everyday, and mortgages need to be paid every month. Very few people have the financial wherewithal to withstand an economic cycle. Most people don’t want a handout or anything for free. People pay taxes year in and year out. Sales tax, income tax, inheritance tax, alternative minimum tax, fuel tax, and real estate tax just to name a few. How about the taxing authorities escrow a portion of these funds (instead of spending very dime, plus some), and help out those in need during these “down cycles”.

I realize tax breaks and programs cost money and are contrary to “pure market driven economics”, however I think it’s ignoring reality to insist on this Pure interpretation of economics, when we vary so widely on other financial and economic issues.

Ok, this is a great country and we will work thru this “correction”. Supply and demand will bring pricing back into line, and our work force will once again get back to a high productivity rate. But in the mean time, lets all try to acknowledge the hardships that these times inflict on the American people.