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SUVIVOR MAN
The rage today in new television shows are the reality shows. Why not, they are entertaining easy to make and best of all for the networks, cheap. Probably the easiest and least expensive of this gendra is the survivor guy shows. Think about it, no script, no cast of demanding actors, no expensive Hollywood sets, no extras.
All that you need is a rugged guy, a backpack, and a few granola bars. Then, just drop them off in some god forsaken place and hope they will make it to next week’s show.
Sometimes I have to wonder, how desolate and isolated they really are. After all, it is just a job for them. I can’t help but think that at the end of a long grueling day of surviving, eating leaches, starting fires with heresy foil wrappers, and facing the elements, the tough guys don’t crack a cold one with the crew, while roasting chicken over the campfire. Right, I can see them saying.. “no, you guys finish the spare ribs, I still have half a dried out scorpion left over here.”
Sometimes I envision myself as “THE SUVIVOR MAN”. I ‘m really a pampered, city kind of guy, but I’d like to think I could man up and do the show.(for the right kind of money of course) I think I’ll send the network a letter with my resume attached..Hey, I survived grow’in up in Jersey, that’s gotta count for something. Besides, I’m sure I could do the hiking and all the dramatic stuff. It’s just the self denial stuff that I’d have a problem with. I know there is no way I would be laying there all huddled up in a fetal position while I watched the camera crew a few feet away, living it up in the company Winnebago. I guess I’m just weak like that, but the first time I smelled a cup of coffee brewing, I’d yell “cut”. I’m tak’in my one hour actors union break.
While I was at it. I’d have a ton of comfy cozy goodies written into my employment contract. After all, what am I , an animal, I deserve a few creature comforts.. Nothing extravagant mind you, but after all I am a star. (I’m sure Mike Rowe gets his share of perks after he does those dirty jobs all day..and those Orange County choppers guys, don’t look like they miss any meals either.)
For starters my demands list would include: Three squares a day (hey a fella has to eat to do all that climbing and shit)
Next on my list, but in no particular order would be: a fifth of scotch, silk jammies, extra warm sleeping bag(must be at least 850 thread count Egyptian cotton), a bag of gourmet jelly beans(with all the green ones picked out), t.v channel changer, 2 rolls of charmin(tree bark is getting old), conjugal visits, Swedish massage, diet pepsi, a blackberry, and a pair of handcuffs.
For those of you who doubt me, I once spent an entire labor day, out in my yard, and I hadn’t had the lawn cut in a few weeks. Let me tell you it was a jungle out there. Couple that with the fact that the local grocery store was closed for the whole day, I was truly on my own, living off the land.
Anyway, those survivor shows are cool. But if the networks ever get back to me, on doing a reality show maybe I’ll suggest a show that plays a little more to my natural strengths….maybe they could call it…. “ Liv’in high, on a big fat T.V. contract”.
Until Latter
P.I.B.
The rage today in new television shows are the reality shows. Why not, they are entertaining easy to make and best of all for the networks, cheap. Probably the easiest and least expensive of this gendra is the survivor guy shows. Think about it, no script, no cast of demanding actors, no expensive Hollywood sets, no extras.
All that you need is a rugged guy, a backpack, and a few granola bars. Then, just drop them off in some god forsaken place and hope they will make it to next week’s show.
Sometimes I have to wonder, how desolate and isolated they really are. After all, it is just a job for them. I can’t help but think that at the end of a long grueling day of surviving, eating leaches, starting fires with heresy foil wrappers, and facing the elements, the tough guys don’t crack a cold one with the crew, while roasting chicken over the campfire. Right, I can see them saying.. “no, you guys finish the spare ribs, I still have half a dried out scorpion left over here.”
Sometimes I envision myself as “THE SUVIVOR MAN”. I ‘m really a pampered, city kind of guy, but I’d like to think I could man up and do the show.(for the right kind of money of course) I think I’ll send the network a letter with my resume attached..Hey, I survived grow’in up in Jersey, that’s gotta count for something. Besides, I’m sure I could do the hiking and all the dramatic stuff. It’s just the self denial stuff that I’d have a problem with. I know there is no way I would be laying there all huddled up in a fetal position while I watched the camera crew a few feet away, living it up in the company Winnebago. I guess I’m just weak like that, but the first time I smelled a cup of coffee brewing, I’d yell “cut”. I’m tak’in my one hour actors union break.
While I was at it. I’d have a ton of comfy cozy goodies written into my employment contract. After all, what am I , an animal, I deserve a few creature comforts.. Nothing extravagant mind you, but after all I am a star. (I’m sure Mike Rowe gets his share of perks after he does those dirty jobs all day..and those Orange County choppers guys, don’t look like they miss any meals either.)
For starters my demands list would include: Three squares a day (hey a fella has to eat to do all that climbing and shit)
Next on my list, but in no particular order would be: a fifth of scotch, silk jammies, extra warm sleeping bag(must be at least 850 thread count Egyptian cotton), a bag of gourmet jelly beans(with all the green ones picked out), t.v channel changer, 2 rolls of charmin(tree bark is getting old), conjugal visits, Swedish massage, diet pepsi, a blackberry, and a pair of handcuffs.
For those of you who doubt me, I once spent an entire labor day, out in my yard, and I hadn’t had the lawn cut in a few weeks. Let me tell you it was a jungle out there. Couple that with the fact that the local grocery store was closed for the whole day, I was truly on my own, living off the land.
Anyway, those survivor shows are cool. But if the networks ever get back to me, on doing a reality show maybe I’ll suggest a show that plays a little more to my natural strengths….maybe they could call it…. “ Liv’in high, on a big fat T.V. contract”.
Until Latter
P.I.B.
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