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LOOSE 10 POUNDS FAST
American’s are consumed with how much we weigh. On one hand we eat too much fast food and pre-processed junk foods, and on the other, we sign gym memberships by the thousands. We will drink beer by the keg, but still want a six-pack. Recent research also hints that my beloved Italian food may be rich in calories and fat. (They can’t mean my cannolis and tiramisu can they)
It often takes months and years to put weight on, but when we want to shed those same pounds the American consumer wants results..Now. At that point we are ready to listen to the advice of any author, self proclaimed expert or midnight info-mercial.
In fact, weight loss alternatives are big business. Millions are spent each year, in search of the easy weight loss solutions. The easier and quicker the product promises results the better seller it is.
There are pills, supplements, shakes, surgeries, treadmills and exercise programs and machines. There are books, tapes, videos and seminars, all geared toward rapid weight loss. In fact the market is so lucrative, and the clientele so gullible that I’ve decided to test market a few of my own weight loss ideas. In fact I have applied for patents for the following products.
5 Xl Fashions: Our designers have specially tapered these garments to soften the contour of our figure conscious customers. We use only the finest recycled circus tent materials.
Pro-Mex Meal: A proprietary blend of protein powder and Mexican food. The whey protein provides nutrition, and the extra spicy Mexican food insures that 98.5% of the product moves thru you in 2 hours or less.
New “Sponge-Caps”: Hundreds of tiny microscopic sponges, in a gel time released caplet. Take 2 of these every three hours with plenty of water, and your hunger pains will disappear.
New “Sand-Caps”.: Same concept at above, except each water soluble gel cap-let contains 24 grains of sterilized beach sand. These easy to swallow capsules satisfy your hunger and genteelly clean out your intestinal tract.
Eat-No-More brand tape. Specially coated flesh colored adhesive duct tape. Simply, cover the mouth completely and over eating is stopped at the source. Our scientist have artistically added a painted smile to the outside of the tape, so that even your closest friends won’t know your wearing our product.
Wire-Em-Shut: For those of you that need more protection than the eat-no-more tape. We offer our special surgical stainless jaw wire. Let’s see ya overeat thru this baby.
And last but not least. Our newest product: The Velcro Stomach Tourniquet. Just cinch this baby around your gut and tighten with the optional “jaws of life attachment” and your eating worries are over.
I’m currently filming the infomercial and trying to recruit Billy Mays as a spokesman for the company.
Until Latter
P.I.B.
American’s are consumed with how much we weigh. On one hand we eat too much fast food and pre-processed junk foods, and on the other, we sign gym memberships by the thousands. We will drink beer by the keg, but still want a six-pack. Recent research also hints that my beloved Italian food may be rich in calories and fat. (They can’t mean my cannolis and tiramisu can they)
It often takes months and years to put weight on, but when we want to shed those same pounds the American consumer wants results..Now. At that point we are ready to listen to the advice of any author, self proclaimed expert or midnight info-mercial.
In fact, weight loss alternatives are big business. Millions are spent each year, in search of the easy weight loss solutions. The easier and quicker the product promises results the better seller it is.
There are pills, supplements, shakes, surgeries, treadmills and exercise programs and machines. There are books, tapes, videos and seminars, all geared toward rapid weight loss. In fact the market is so lucrative, and the clientele so gullible that I’ve decided to test market a few of my own weight loss ideas. In fact I have applied for patents for the following products.
5 Xl Fashions: Our designers have specially tapered these garments to soften the contour of our figure conscious customers. We use only the finest recycled circus tent materials.
Pro-Mex Meal: A proprietary blend of protein powder and Mexican food. The whey protein provides nutrition, and the extra spicy Mexican food insures that 98.5% of the product moves thru you in 2 hours or less.
New “Sponge-Caps”: Hundreds of tiny microscopic sponges, in a gel time released caplet. Take 2 of these every three hours with plenty of water, and your hunger pains will disappear.
New “Sand-Caps”.: Same concept at above, except each water soluble gel cap-let contains 24 grains of sterilized beach sand. These easy to swallow capsules satisfy your hunger and genteelly clean out your intestinal tract.
Eat-No-More brand tape. Specially coated flesh colored adhesive duct tape. Simply, cover the mouth completely and over eating is stopped at the source. Our scientist have artistically added a painted smile to the outside of the tape, so that even your closest friends won’t know your wearing our product.
Wire-Em-Shut: For those of you that need more protection than the eat-no-more tape. We offer our special surgical stainless jaw wire. Let’s see ya overeat thru this baby.
And last but not least. Our newest product: The Velcro Stomach Tourniquet. Just cinch this baby around your gut and tighten with the optional “jaws of life attachment” and your eating worries are over.
I’m currently filming the infomercial and trying to recruit Billy Mays as a spokesman for the company.
Until Latter
P.I.B.
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