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TAKE A PILL
Modern medicine (and greedy pharmaceutical companies) have a pill for whatever ails you. Wanna get some sleep…they got a pill. How about stay awake for 18 hours while driving your 18 wheeler..you guessed it, they have a pill. The sales and profits in that industry are phenomenal.
I don’t want to tell you that I’m some sort of scientist, or chemist (as a matter of fact, I think I got thrown out of those classes), but I’d like to try my hand at this whole pill making deal.
So…I’m at the Wal-Mart the other day, and I spot this neat chemistry set. I’m talk’in, this baby was the Mac-daddy $89.95 top of the line gimmick. I found myself transfixed right there in the middle of the isle. I just kind of stared at the box for a while, in sort of a hypnotic state… “wow…over 40 bottles of chemical, hundreds of experiments, complete guide to chemistry, the little glass test tubes and all.
(dream sequence..dream sequence) I’m home in my lab (ok garage) with my white lab coat on (or was that a straight jacket), hair askew like the guy from Back to the Future..test tubes and flasks, burners, racks, litmus paper (not really sure what that stuff is for) and the obligatory instant coffee boiling in a beaker (just like the real guys do on C.S.I.)…My lab assistant in her short white lab coat..(ok..wrong dream)
“Ouch” …there is nothing like another angry wall mart shopper, hitting you in the ass, with his limo-like shopping cart, to snap you out of a dream sequence…
Any way…I bring home that chemistry set and rip the wrapper off like a kid on Christmas morning…I begin with one of those maddening diabolical laughs (like they do in the movies), and go directly to my pill making experiments…(meanwhile my neighbor are calling the D.E.A…to report a suspected meth lab…
I mix about 20 of the random chemicals together and quickly drink it down…ahh..maybe that wasn’t the greatest idea..(note to self: run a classified ad for test subject..I’m mean clinical trail volunteer)
Ok..re-group for a minute here…what kind of pill’s do people need that would sell for millions out in the real world. Check that, what type of non-narcotic pills does the market need.
For starters...I’m thinking: instant weight loss, hangover relief, urine drug testing cleanser, lip sweller, body hair remover, tattoo fader, breast enhancer, or smart pill. My research also suggests a viable market for relief from: snoring, flatulence, overeating, and maybe something to spice up my lab assistant.
Anyway, after a few days, the big fire, and a late night ambulance ride down to the poison control center, I decided that maybe this whole chemistry thing, may not be my cup of tea..I just don’t have the attention span for it…
Hey.. I wonder if there is a pill for that..
Until Latter
Dr. P.I.B.
Modern medicine (and greedy pharmaceutical companies) have a pill for whatever ails you. Wanna get some sleep…they got a pill. How about stay awake for 18 hours while driving your 18 wheeler..you guessed it, they have a pill. The sales and profits in that industry are phenomenal.
I don’t want to tell you that I’m some sort of scientist, or chemist (as a matter of fact, I think I got thrown out of those classes), but I’d like to try my hand at this whole pill making deal.
So…I’m at the Wal-Mart the other day, and I spot this neat chemistry set. I’m talk’in, this baby was the Mac-daddy $89.95 top of the line gimmick. I found myself transfixed right there in the middle of the isle. I just kind of stared at the box for a while, in sort of a hypnotic state… “wow…over 40 bottles of chemical, hundreds of experiments, complete guide to chemistry, the little glass test tubes and all.
(dream sequence..dream sequence) I’m home in my lab (ok garage) with my white lab coat on (or was that a straight jacket), hair askew like the guy from Back to the Future..test tubes and flasks, burners, racks, litmus paper (not really sure what that stuff is for) and the obligatory instant coffee boiling in a beaker (just like the real guys do on C.S.I.)…My lab assistant in her short white lab coat..(ok..wrong dream)
“Ouch” …there is nothing like another angry wall mart shopper, hitting you in the ass, with his limo-like shopping cart, to snap you out of a dream sequence…
Any way…I bring home that chemistry set and rip the wrapper off like a kid on Christmas morning…I begin with one of those maddening diabolical laughs (like they do in the movies), and go directly to my pill making experiments…(meanwhile my neighbor are calling the D.E.A…to report a suspected meth lab…
I mix about 20 of the random chemicals together and quickly drink it down…ahh..maybe that wasn’t the greatest idea..(note to self: run a classified ad for test subject..I’m mean clinical trail volunteer)
Ok..re-group for a minute here…what kind of pill’s do people need that would sell for millions out in the real world. Check that, what type of non-narcotic pills does the market need.
For starters...I’m thinking: instant weight loss, hangover relief, urine drug testing cleanser, lip sweller, body hair remover, tattoo fader, breast enhancer, or smart pill. My research also suggests a viable market for relief from: snoring, flatulence, overeating, and maybe something to spice up my lab assistant.
Anyway, after a few days, the big fire, and a late night ambulance ride down to the poison control center, I decided that maybe this whole chemistry thing, may not be my cup of tea..I just don’t have the attention span for it…
Hey.. I wonder if there is a pill for that..
Until Latter
Dr. P.I.B.
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